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[quote=Anonymous]I have a hard kid but I work really hard and as a result she looks like an easy kid to others. I always get comments about how chill and well behaved she is in public spaces, how great it is that she'll just patiently hang out and read a book when I'm talking to other adults, or how easily she makes friends at the playground and will entertain herself, and behave well and treat other kids well, without me having to intervene or to much.

What people don't know is that she has a sensory processing disorder that requires very active management including therapy and parent training, that she had selective mutism in preschool and was constantly in trouble in her kindergarten class for being defiant and having outbursts. She's smart and a voracious reader, but the flip side of this is that she is easily bored and constantly asking questions about everything and can get easily frustrated when she doesn't understand something. I only have one kid because we knew by age 3 that she would take a lot effort and we were right. It's incredibly rewarding effort but also draining and exhausting.

Anyway, she's a well-behaved and well-adjusted 10 year old now because of all the work we've put in. And we still have to stay on top of it. We still have private struggles (still an extremely picky eater, for instance, still has strong sensory aversions that can lead to anxiety if we don't stay on top of it) but the public face you see looks like a chill, easy going child who doesn't require much parenting.

Anyway, when I see parents out struggling with a kid having a tantrum, or who is whining and complaining, or who just look exhausted and frustrated, I always make a point to tell them I have been there and offer some words of commiseration and support. The truth is that good parenting takes work. Some kids absolutely require more effort than others, and also every parent comes with a different set of resources and support systems -- something that was easy for you might be hard for someone else because they don't have the same resources.

Parents should support other parents. It's a hard and important job and we all need cheerleading.[/quote]

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