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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well my father was a severely narcissistic individual and my mother always put him and his needs first but I wouldn't recommend it.  It meant she would promise to do something with us but then cancel it because your father is tired.  The man never operated a toaster, poured himself a glass of orange juice.  when she broke her hip, she demanded that my sister leave her job to come home and pour his glass of orange juice since apparently he doesn't know how.  [/quote]

This also describes my family growing up. My dad was not capable of being focused on kids -- he only focused on his own happiness and well being and would become irritated/angry with his spouse or kids if we didn't meet his needs or expectations. My mom thought of herself as kid focused but really she designed the household around his needs and also trained all of us in how to avoid upsetting him (I have very distinct memories of my mom telling me to just let my dad win arguments even when he was incorrect, to keep peace).

My parents are still this way but I've sought to have a different dynamic. My DH is not a narcissist, thankfully, and I insist on mutual respect in our family. When we had a kid, our family mantra became "everyone gets their needs met." When we have conflicting needs, we sit down and figure it out. But no one is a martyr and no one gets their way just because they'll throw the biggest fit if they don't. [/quote]

My parents were similar.  My mom was about pleasing my dad and had us tiptoe around him.  His sports and interests were the only ones that mattered.  She or I had to have dinner on the table when he got home and he’d blow up if he did. Not like the food.  The house had to be spotless.  Instead of activities I’d come home and cook and lean and do laundry to keep the peace. Screaming all the time.  They ended up divorcing as he had many affairs.   My marriage is very different.  [/quote]

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