Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this "date night" thing is strictly American. I'm from Europe and no parents do date nights. Family is about raising kids and kids come first until they're old enough to manage themselves. In other words the amount of help decreases as the kids get older. People rarely spend time as a couple, but spend time in groups of extended families. And then once kids are older I don't put my husband first, I put myself first. As a person, an individual. American society is overly focused on sex, it's almost like there's nothing else interesting in life except sex.

I'm American but this is how we do it. I think date night was invented by wealthy Americans because to me the idea of spending money on an evening babysitter just to go out alone with my spouse, when I could spend some time alone with my spouse after the kids go to bed, is nonsensical. But I'm middle class and have a million things I'd rather spend money on than babysitters.

And yes, as a mom in particular, as my kids get older, my focus is on myself. Moms needs to reclaim ourselves as our kids gain independence. My DH doesn't need me to focus on him -- he's an adult!

I also don't get the thing about needing to "stay connected." Your are married, you are raising kids together. You see each other daily, presumably sleep in the same bed. Of course we are connected. How would a date night change that? Can you only talk to your spouse when your children are in a different location? That's weird.

You don’t understand why a couple might want to go dine at a restaurant that isn’t child friendly? See an R rated movie? Talk to each other and connect out at a restaurant or place outside of the home?

Did you only stay at home pre-kids? When you dated your husband, were all your dates at home?

The only American women I know who don’t go on date nights seem to dislike their husbands and have an unhealthy obsession with their children.

Not that poster but family time important. I have zero interest in going to a movie. And, zero interest in overpriced restaurants too. It’s unhealthy not to spend time with your kids. My parents were like you. Pretty much no relationship as adults. And, they suck as grandparents. I have to force mine to see them yearly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this "date night" thing is strictly American. I'm from Europe and no parents do date nights. Family is about raising kids and kids come first until they're old enough to manage themselves. In other words the amount of help decreases as the kids get older. People rarely spend time as a couple, but spend time in groups of extended families. And then once kids are older I don't put my husband first, I put myself first. As a person, an individual. American society is overly focused on sex, it's almost like there's nothing else interesting in life except sex.

I'm American but this is how we do it. I think date night was invented by wealthy Americans because to me the idea of spending money on an evening babysitter just to go out alone with my spouse, when I could spend some time alone with my spouse after the kids go to bed, is nonsensical. But I'm middle class and have a million things I'd rather spend money on than babysitters.

And yes, as a mom in particular, as my kids get older, my focus is on myself. Moms needs to reclaim ourselves as our kids gain independence. My DH doesn't need me to focus on him -- he's an adult!

I also don't get the thing about needing to "stay connected." Your are married, you are raising kids together. You see each other daily, presumably sleep in the same bed. Of course we are connected. How would a date night change that? Can you only talk to your spouse when your children are in a different location? That's weird.

You don’t understand why a couple might want to go dine at a restaurant that isn’t child friendly? See an R rated movie? Talk to each other and connect out at a restaurant or place outside of the home?

Did you only stay at home pre-kids? When you dated your husband, were all your dates at home?

The only American women I know who don’t go on date nights seem to dislike their husbands and have an unhealthy obsession with their children.

Not that poster but family time important. I have zero interest in going to a movie. And, zero interest in overpriced restaurants too. It’s unhealthy not to spend time with your kids. My parents were like you. Pretty much no relationship as adults. And, they suck as grandparents. I have to force mine to see them yearly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well my father was a severely narcissistic individual and my mother always put him and his needs first but I wouldn't recommend it. It meant she would promise to do something with us but then cancel it because your father is tired. The man never operated a toaster, poured himself a glass of orange juice. when she broke her hip, she demanded that my sister leave her job to come home and pour his glass of orange juice since apparently he doesn't know how.

This also describes my family growing up. My dad was not capable of being focused on kids -- he only focused on his own happiness and well being and would become irritated/angry with his spouse or kids if we didn't meet his needs or expectations. My mom thought of herself as kid focused but really she designed the household around his needs and also trained all of us in how to avoid upsetting him (I have very distinct memories of my mom telling me to just let my dad win arguments even when he was incorrect, to keep peace).

My parents are still this way but I've sought to have a different dynamic. My DH is not a narcissist, thankfully, and I insist on mutual respect in our family. When we had a kid, our family mantra became "everyone gets their needs met." When we have conflicting needs, we sit down and figure it out. But no one is a martyr and no one gets their way just because they'll throw the biggest fit if they don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this "date night" thing is strictly American. I'm from Europe and no parents do date nights. Family is about raising kids and kids come first until they're old enough to manage themselves. In other words the amount of help decreases as the kids get older. People rarely spend time as a couple, but spend time in groups of extended families. And then once kids are older I don't put my husband first, I put myself first. As a person, an individual. American society is overly focused on sex, it's almost like there's nothing else interesting in life except sex.

I'm American but this is how we do it. I think date night was invented by wealthy Americans because to me the idea of spending money on an evening babysitter just to go out alone with my spouse, when I could spend some time alone with my spouse after the kids go to bed, is nonsensical. But I'm middle class and have a million things I'd rather spend money on than babysitters.

And yes, as a mom in particular, as my kids get older, my focus is on myself. Moms needs to reclaim ourselves as our kids gain independence. My DH doesn't need me to focus on him -- he's an adult!

I also don't get the thing about needing to "stay connected." Your are married, you are raising kids together. You see each other daily, presumably sleep in the same bed. Of course we are connected. How would a date night change that? Can you only talk to your spouse when your children are in a different location? That's weird.

You don’t understand why a couple might want to go dine at a restaurant that isn’t child friendly? See an R rated movie? Talk to each other and connect out at a restaurant or place outside of the home?

Did you only stay at home pre-kids? When you dated your husband, were all your dates at home?

The only American women I know who don’t go on date nights seem to dislike their husbands and have an unhealthy obsession with their children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this "date night" thing is strictly American. I'm from Europe and no parents do date nights. Family is about raising kids and kids come first until they're old enough to manage themselves. In other words the amount of help decreases as the kids get older. People rarely spend time as a couple, but spend time in groups of extended families. And then once kids are older I don't put my husband first, I put myself first. As a person, an individual. American society is overly focused on sex, it's almost like there's nothing else interesting in life except sex.

My European friends who have family help do go on date nights. Really the main reason is that babysitters aren’t as common in Western European countries. Wages are much lower and families have less disposable income. The average white collar family in a Western European country can’t afford a sitter on a regular basis.

You really think a European couple wouldn’t want to go out to dinner alone??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this "date night" thing is strictly American. I'm from Europe and no parents do date nights. Family is about raising kids and kids come first until they're old enough to manage themselves. In other words the amount of help decreases as the kids get older. People rarely spend time as a couple, but spend time in groups of extended families. And then once kids are older I don't put my husband first, I put myself first. As a person, an individual. American society is overly focused on sex, it's almost like there's nothing else interesting in life except sex.

I'm American but this is how we do it. I think date night was invented by wealthy Americans because to me the idea of spending money on an evening babysitter just to go out alone with my spouse, when I could spend some time alone with my spouse after the kids go to bed, is nonsensical. But I'm middle class and have a million things I'd rather spend money on than babysitters.

And yes, as a mom in particular, as my kids get older, my focus is on myself. Moms needs to reclaim ourselves as our kids gain independence. My DH doesn't need me to focus on him -- he's an adult!

I also don't get the thing about needing to "stay connected." Your are married, you are raising kids together. You see each other daily, presumably sleep in the same bed. Of course we are connected. How would a date night change that? Can you only talk to your spouse when your children are in a different location? That's weird.

Anonymous wrote:I think this "date night" thing is strictly American. I'm from Europe and no parents do date nights. Family is about raising kids and kids come first until they're old enough to manage themselves. In other words the amount of help decreases as the kids get older. People rarely spend time as a couple, but spend time in groups of extended families. And then once kids are older I don't put my husband first, I put myself first. As a person, an individual. American society is overly focused on sex, it's almost like there's nothing else interesting in life except sex.

Anonymous wrote:Well my father was a severely narcissistic individual and my mother always put him and his needs first but I wouldn't recommend it. It meant she would promise to do something with us but then cancel it because your father is tired. The man never operated a toaster, poured himself a glass of orange juice. when she broke her hip, she demanded that my sister leave her job to come home and pour his glass of orange juice since apparently he doesn't know how.

Anonymous wrote:I think this "date night" thing is strictly American. I'm from Europe and no parents do date nights. Family is about raising kids and kids come first until they're old enough to manage themselves. In other words the amount of help decreases as the kids get older. People rarely spend time as a couple, but spend time in groups of extended families. And then once kids are older I don't put my husband first, I put myself first. As a person, an individual. American society is overly focused on sex, it's almost like there's nothing else interesting in life except sex.

Anonymous wrote:I think this "date night" thing is strictly American. I'm from Europe and no parents do date nights. Family is about raising kids and kids come first until they're old enough to manage themselves. In other words the amount of help decreases as the kids get older. People rarely spend time as a couple, but spend time in groups of extended families. And then once kids are older I don't put my husband first, I put myself first. As a person, an individual. American society is overly focused on sex, it's almost like there's nothing else interesting in life except sex.

Anonymous wrote:I think this "date night" thing is strictly American. I'm from Europe and no parents do date nights. Family is about raising kids and kids come first until they're old enough to manage themselves. In other words the amount of help decreases as the kids get older. People rarely spend time as a couple, but spend time in groups of extended families. And then once kids are older I don't put my husband first, I put myself first. As a person, an individual. American society is overly focused on sex, it's almost like there's nothing else interesting in life except sex.