Reply to Anyone have an adult child who seems to hate you suddenly and for no apparent reason?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find it odd this is in Adult child forum while technically an adult she is a teen and this started when she was a teen. [/quote]

Yeah, I think this is indicative of how this child has been treated in the house for years (as one whose life is going well and shouldn't have any reason to complain).

OP, I'm the adult child of a parent who spent decades caring for a mentally ill sibling, and was never allowed to seek out care because my life was so "normal and fine."

I'm in the 40s and I can still barely look at my mother and can't stand to be in the same house as her. It's very stressful and keeps me from feeling like I can freely pursue happiness. [/quote]

To suggest that OP neglected her daughter because she was busy caring for another child with higher needs is unfair. One of my children has special needs and we are friends with lots of families who have a child with special needs, plus neurotypical children (who all have had their moments as well). They're all teens now and young adults now. NOT ONE OF THEM has behaved like OP's daughter. We have given careful thought to balancing our children's needs, and our neurotypical kids all understand how difficult that tightrope is, sometimes. None of them resent the time that we, and other parents, have had to devote to their needier siblings. My neurotypical child has a medical condition that requires extra care, so actually, both our children need caregiving beyond that which a child, healthy in mind and body, would need.

I find it terrible that you would directly blame the mother for everything, without even knowing OP personally or extending her the courtesy of believing what she said: to wit, that her daughter had a very typical childhood. If OP was lying her head off, she wouldn't be posting, would she? Maybe OP does not realize that her parenting has been lacking, in which case you can only be helpful if you ask her to examine the past with honesty.

Reading her posts, I think OP sounds reasonable. I hope her daughter comes around, and shares what exactly is bothering her. Maybe it's just a really severe case of soiling the nest. Maybe it's something more nefarious, such as a mental health issue.

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OP does sound reasonable, but that doesn't mean that her daughter's perspective of things is very different from OPs.  And I do agree that the phrasing of calling her an adult child does make me wonder if this has a lot to do with it.  [/quote]

PP you replied to. It's just a word. I call my 19 year old a young adult, because his sister is a minor teen. So if I were to post about him, I'd post in the adult children forum (as in, college age and beyond), because I think of the teen forum as more of a place for my 14 year old (pre-college age). It's my 19 year old who has the severe ADHD and autism, and who has needed the most hand-holding from us, so my characterization of him as an adult does not mean that I've neglected him at all!!!

Can people please understand that this level of dissection is not helpful?

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