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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I only have sympathy. It's a similar dynamic in my family, only my sister gets way more than 2-3 times the attention. My mother was always bitter I existed and told me so--my mother had me at 20 and is the reason she married my dad. My sister was the planned, wanted child, born 6 years after me. I left home for college and made my own life.

But my mom also lamented "losing" me and was determined not to do so with my sister. The result is they're terribly co-dependent and enmeshed. My sister stayed close for college. My sister married, moved away, and then had a kid at 23. My mother divorced my father to follow me sister. My sister happily took advantage that. My mom needs to be needed, my sister fulfills that. Meanwhile, my sister wants to live a carefree life (my sister has since divorced), and my mom makes that very easy for her.

Eight years ago, we moved and my mom lives about 30 minutes closer to me and has to pass my exit to get to my sister. And yet.....nothing. I used to try and rationalize it, but I couldn't when my husband was ill and I desperately needed my mom to watch my kid so I could be at the hospital with him. But she couldn't, because she promised my sister she'd paint her living room. It drove home to me that I didn't matter, and so I decided she had shown me who she was and I should believe her.

I pulled back dramatically after that. She's never noticed. It's been freeing. I no longer chase after her, and I no longer feel guilty for not jumping when she says jump. But it was a brutal road to get here.[/quote]

This really resonated with me.  I had a very similar dynamic with my parents favoring one of my sisters over me.  I realized over time that my favored sister really leaned in to the dynamic too, making the situation so much worse.  After years of pain and many tears, I decided to take a huge step back about ten years ago. And I am a million times happier and still have a cordial relationship with all of them. [/quote]

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