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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Parents are delusional, or normalize or excuse the behavior and/or are simply ignoring - hoping kid will grow out of it.

Or they medicate the heck out of the kid and consider that the sole solution but they’ve essentially checked out at that point. .

[/quote]

This really doesn’t make sense. Parenting used to be far more hands off. Kids just went outside and played. That’s what kids do in hunter gatherer cultures that are still around.

We’re parenting all the time and it wears us all out. Being stricter is better as it makes kids better to be around. [/quote]

I agree with this. I also don't see the "gentle parenting" shift others always complain about. Are there some outlier parents who don't discipline their kids at all? If course. That was also true in the 80s when I grew up -- my area had some hippies who did stuff like smoke weed with their kids and considered any kind of rules as an imposition of "the man." Their kids ran wild. Ironically, a lot of them became super traditional as adults. Though some stayed wild.

In my circle of parents (UMC, DC and close in suburbs, mostly highly educated professionals) the norm is intensive, highly involved parenting. Even the more "hands off" parents are more involved than even the strictest parents where I grew up. My parents were pretty strict but they let me watch TV for hours a day, didn't supervise homework (though I'd get in high trouble if my grades slipped), and rarely if ever got involved in my social life. But most parents I know restrict screen time, are highly involved in kids academics, extra-curriculars, and social lives, and spend a lot more time watching their kids and addressing behaviors that could be considered problematic, whether it's poor table manners or refusing to interact with adults.

I have a kid with special needs and am in some support groups for that. One thing that comes up often is that the very high standards for parenting and kid behavior causes a lot of anxiety for parents of SN kids. Like not just behavioral standards and worrying about our kids being rude or annoying. But very high standards for achievement, socializing, and extra-curriculars. I think there is less understanding around kids who don't make friends easily or can't balance intense extra-curriculars amd school. When the "average" kid (in our social circle) gets mostly As and Bs, does a travel sport, plays an instrument, speaks a second language at least conversationally, can converse comfortable with adults, and has an active social life outside school and ECs, that's daunting for kids with executive functioning issues, social issues, or anxiety. The standards are so high.

I just do not see a widespread trend of parents who are checked out or ignoring bad behavior. Outliers, yes. Always been true. But mostly I think standards for parents have gone up and expectations for what kids do and how they behave are sky high.[/quote]

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