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[quote=Anonymous]I just want to note that as a parent if a very difficult kid who is a really pretty well behaved like 90% of the time (and whom we parent with limits, appropriate discipline, and lots one lots of modeling/teaching of skills and tools to navigate life) I never judge parents by a single experience with their kids. You just don't know.

People with easy going or highly compliant kids don't get it. When their kids get dysregulated because they are hungry or tired or had a bad day, they might get quiet, fall asleep in the car, whine a little.

When my kid gets dysregulated, she gets angry and loud. It's actually a million times better now than a few years ago, but I have absolutely been the parent whose kid is screaming at the top of her lungs, refusing to do what's asked, making a huge scene. I think I've handled those moments okay as a parent but the truth is no one cares. You can have the perfect response to that and most people will still look at you like lepers because your kid is being disruptive and scary and they just want you to go away.

You can't parent in those situations hoping for the approval of other parents. That is sure to steer you wrong. I've had parenting coaching and read ALL the books and worked with a behavioral therapist and most of the time, in that situation, your kid needs understanding and kindness. No one wants to hear that. I'm a parent who sets limits, gives consequences. But not if my kid has just completely lost it. That's actually exactly when you need to be gentle, non-punitive, and supportive. You talk through it later, they will probably be other consequences. But in the moment when the whole playground is staring and thinking what a crap mom you must be? That is the moment when you are very gentle. And they'll all think "oh look at this terrible, permissive mom -- that's why her kid is like that." And you just gave to let them think that. Oh well.[/quote]

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