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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you for all of the responses, they've been very helpful. To answer some questions: I'm almost 6 months, so probably too late for an abortion. He *very* much wanted/wants the baby even though it was a surprise.

I spoke with him about it and told him it was unacceptable how he reacted and how unhappy I've been feeling, that it feels like I'm walking on eggshells and it's unsustainable. He cried at the idea of me leaving and apologized that he overreacted, and said that he would be better.

Then this morning he got extremely upset because it’s been maybe 4-5 days since we had sex, and he was shouting about it and saying how he couldnt live this way. So yes, it’s a theme that he gets very upset and emotional and kind of unable to self regulate, which I really hate.  I’m not sure what to do because I do feel very stuck with my current physical condition. I love that he's emotional and vulnerable at times but then other times I feel completely stretched to my limit and almost traumatized because it feels like it's *always* something [/quote]

I’ve been in your shoes with the accidental pregnancy and emotional boyfriend/husband.

My biggest regret is staying with him. We did stay married for a few years, and towards the end when he could tell I was checked out and getting ready to leave, he DID change. But by then it was too late.

Getting upset over sex is not okay. You’ll have to go at least 6 weeks without it postpartum, and it’ll be years before you have the time and energy to get back to 3 times a week or whatever he is expecting.

Are you near family? You have until the baby is born to move wherever you want. If you’re not near family, I would move to be with them. Let your fiancé know he needs a solid 2-3 years of therapy to address his outbursts.

You either go through the pain of ending things now, or years from now when you’re tired of him and you see how his outbursts affect your child (they will).

Another option is to move and tell him you had a miscarriage. I have a friend who did that and honestly it was the best decision. She eventually remarried and her new husband, who is wonderful, unofficially adopted her son as her own. [/quote]

Listen to the PP above who has been in your shoes. Deal with this breakup now, not later. Call on your family and friends to support you however you need support.

I have to say though that the final paragraph is very, very risky territory, Claiming a miscarriage and suddenly moving far enough away he won't look for you? That is asking for a truly epic clusterf**k if the father later finds out the mother lied and another man has legally adopted a child when the bio father did not give up parental rights. I get it. I'd want to do the same, in certain circumstances; however, while it might have worked for PP's friend, if the bio dad ever finds out his child exists and wants to do anything about that fact -- a lot of people will be in a world of hurt and possibly legal/custody problems, too.

OP, please, tomorrow, start planning to leave. Don't procrastinate. If you and he are financially entangled, talk to a lawyer and also a financial planner (banks often provide this service for free) about how to disentangle your finances. If you have joint accounts he could clean them out--do you have your own money in only your name? In short, plan as if it's a divorce you have to spring on him but only once you have the financials worked out and a place to go. Which has to be very soon since your baby could come any time after the next two months, if baby arrives early. You want to be broken up well before that happens. [/quote]

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