Reply to I’m exhausted with my fiancé

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It feels like he’s always getting upset about small things. For example, last night, I was just about to pop into the bathroom to get ready for bed, when a news report popped up about the UK grooming gangs that has been in the news lately. I was chatting to him about it, because he had never heard of it. Granted, I get it’s a bit of a depressing topic, but next thing I know he had stormed out and insisted on sleeping on the couch because “I don’t want to hear about this before I go to bed”. I get that, in retrospect, I should have maybe kept it to myself and just gotten ready for bed. But I honestly didn’t think it, and, in any case, it feels like I have to walk on eggshells around him, that he’s not good at managing his emotions and freaks out over the smallest things. Unfortunately I am (accidentally) pregnant so leaving isn’t so easy, but I’m afraid when we have a child together it will be a million times worse. I’m not sure if this kind of thing, a guy who always seems upset, is a legitimate red flag or I’m just suffering from pregnancy hormones. And if it is really bad, then IDK whether I should leave now or wait till after the child arrives[/quote]

[b]Before you started "chatting" did you gague if he was in a chatty mood?[/b] In life we don't just have to start talking and assume that just because we are talking those around us have to take it in right then and there. [/quote]

NP. The bold above is "walking on eggshells" territory.

Having to weigh, before you open your mouth every time, whether your spouse might storm off, get upset, whatever -- that's the very definition of walking on eggshells. In a healthy relationship, the person who doesn't want to talk "then and there" can use their grown-up words and (as an earlier PP put it) say "Can we talk about this tomorrow" or I'd say, "Whoa, I get it's interesting but can we talk about it in the morning?"

OP, people here are getting way too caught up in the specific example you gave. Not actually the point at all. It's just ONE example of what you say clearly is an much larger, ongoing issue with his touchiness, anger, getting "set off," your walking on eggshells and having to wonder when or where he'll get upset at you. That is NOT healthy. At all. And it's not on you, to be honest. A marriage should be the one relationship where if you have a thought about something, you can express it and be heard, or at least be told kindly and honestly and maturely, "That's too tough a subject for bedtime." Your fiance is not mature and will get worse with the stress of a young child in the home--picture, OP, how he will react to living 24/7 with a being that has no filter, can't walk on eggshells, but charges at everything full-tilt and doesn't really understand "no" for a very long time? This is a recipe for eventual divorce--which puts your kid in his hands 50 percent of the time after a divorce. You need to reconsider both the marriage and the pregnancy if it's not too late. Have a child with him and you are tied to him for the rest of your life. Your entire life. Eggshells. And the child will learn the terrible lesson of having to keep quiet around daddy or daddy gets mad. [/quote]

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