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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Never.

But weirdly now that I’m nearly 40 my mother delusionally ends phone calls with “I love you, too” as if I said it to her first, when I never do (I don’t love her; she was abusive and I tolerate her supervised presence so my kids can have a relationship with their only grandparent). It’s so bizarre and makes me literally cringe every time.[/quote]

It sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.[/quote]

Hmm no. I tell mine I love you all the time.[/quote]

I’m sure you do, but your kids will notice how you treat your own mother.  [/quote]

So my mother’s abuse is fine, but me detaching emotionally as a result isn’t. Ok, mom.[/quote]

The problem is the passive aggressiveness.  Either she was abusive or she wasn’t.  If she was, why do you want her to have a relationship with your kids?

If she’s good enough for your kids, she wasn’t as abusive as you’re pretending.[/quote]

I don’t want to explain abuse to preschoolers. I control and supervise visits. I grew up without grandparents and it sucked. All the others are dead so I’m trying to facilitate what relationship I can and am hoping she kicks the bucket before I have to explain anything or more strictly control interactions. For whatever reason, lots of people seem to be capable of not abusing grandchildren even though they were abusive to their own kids.

I am proud of the fact that I’ve done enough therapy and worked through my trauma enough that my mother can’t trigger me anymore, and my kids having a positive opinion of her doesn’t bother me. Why would I want them to share the burden of my trauma? I’ll tell them the truth when they are teens.[/quote]

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