Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never.

But weirdly now that I’m nearly 40 my mother delusionally ends phone calls with “I love you, too” as if I said it to her first, when I never do (I don’t love her; she was abusive and I tolerate her supervised presence so my kids can have a relationship with their only grandparent). It’s so bizarre and makes me literally cringe every time.

It sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Hmm no. I tell mine I love you all the time.

I’m sure you do, but your kids will notice how you treat your own mother.

So my mother’s abuse is fine, but me detaching emotionally as a result isn’t. Ok, mom.

The problem is the passive aggressiveness. Either she was abusive or she wasn’t. If she was, why do you want her to have a relationship with your kids?

If she’s good enough for your kids, she wasn’t as abusive as you’re pretending.

I don’t want to explain abuse to preschoolers. I control and supervise visits. I grew up without grandparents and it sucked. All the others are dead so I’m trying to facilitate what relationship I can and am hoping she kicks the bucket before I have to explain anything or more strictly control interactions. For whatever reason, lots of people seem to be capable of not abusing grandchildren even though they were abusive to their own kids.

I am proud of the fact that I’ve done enough therapy and worked through my trauma enough that my mother can’t trigger me anymore, and my kids having a positive opinion of her doesn’t bother me. Why would I want them to share the burden of my trauma? I’ll tell them the truth when they are teens.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never.

But weirdly now that I’m nearly 40 my mother delusionally ends phone calls with “I love you, too” as if I said it to her first, when I never do (I don’t love her; she was abusive and I tolerate her supervised presence so my kids can have a relationship with their only grandparent). It’s so bizarre and makes me literally cringe every time.

It sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Hmm no. I tell mine I love you all the time.

I’m sure you do, but your kids will notice how you treat your own mother.

So my mother’s abuse is fine, but me detaching emotionally as a result isn’t. Ok, mom.

The problem is the passive aggressiveness. Either she was abusive or she wasn’t. If she was, why do you want her to have a relationship with your kids?

If she’s good enough for your kids, she wasn’t as abusive as you’re pretending.

During my teen years, I once confronted my dad and asked why he never told me he loved me.

He hung his head and said it just wasn't how he was raised. Then added, "I may not be able to say it, but I do."

That was good enough to last me the rest of my life.

My parents— since childhood. In person, verbally at every departure as well as a kiss on the cheek and on the phone at the end of every conversation.

I tell my kids I love them every day—in person, via phone or text, and always before I, we, or they go to bed. They range in age from toddler to college.

My husband and I say it regularly. We’ve also been married for 24 years. I also tell my sister-in-law and my nieces and nephews that I love them regularly, but we are all very close.

Saying it it's great, and i say it all the time but I also teach my kids love is an action, not just words

Always and they still do. Every phone conversation ends with “Love you” and “Love you too.” Since I was a little girl my father has made a little physical gesture whose meaning is I love you and now he does it with my daughters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never.

But weirdly now that I’m nearly 40 my mother delusionally ends phone calls with “I love you, too” as if I said it to her first, when I never do (I don’t love her; she was abusive and I tolerate her supervised presence so my kids can have a relationship with their only grandparent). It’s so bizarre and makes me literally cringe every time.

It sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Hmm no. I tell mine I love you all the time.

I’m sure you do, but your kids will notice how you treat your own mother.

So my mother’s abuse is fine, but me detaching emotionally as a result isn’t. Ok, mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never.

But weirdly now that I’m nearly 40 my mother delusionally ends phone calls with “I love you, too” as if I said it to her first, when I never do (I don’t love her; she was abusive and I tolerate her supervised presence so my kids can have a relationship with their only grandparent). It’s so bizarre and makes me literally cringe every time.

It sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Hmm no. I tell mine I love you all the time.

I’m sure you do, but your kids will notice how you treat your own mother.

Too many times to count, especially from my mom. I miss both my parents so much. How lucky I was to have them. I hope my kids feel the same about me.

At least once a day, usually more. My parents were divorced but usually talked to the other parent when at the other one's house so they would say in person and over the phone.

Never. They bought me presents and it was their way of them telling me that they loved me.

In college my friend's mother died in a horrible car accident and I called my parents and told them I loved them. Ever since they tell me that they love me.

I make sure no matter what I tell my kids often I love them.

Anonymous wrote:Never as a child.

I got into a bit of trouble when I was 17. My dad asked me if he could do anything to be a better father. I told him he should say I love you.

He said I love you every single solitary time he saw me from 17 to 83 when he passed away

My mother never said I love you.

This is the sweetest thing that I’ve ever read on this website. What a great dad!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never.

But weirdly now that I’m nearly 40 my mother delusionally ends phone calls with “I love you, too” as if I said it to her first, when I never do (I don’t love her; she was abusive and I tolerate her supervised presence so my kids can have a relationship with their only grandparent). It’s so bizarre and makes me literally cringe every time.

It sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Hmm no. I tell mine I love you all the time.

I think it is hard to really understand that our parents can/could only give as much as they could based on what they had experienced. I know it conceptually, but also the kid in me always has wanted more. I know I do better then my parents did with my own parenting, but sometimes I hit a wall where I feel like I don’t know how other parents are more effusive in their love with their children. I hope and try to have the compassion for my parents that I hope my kids will have for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never as a child.

I got into a bit of trouble when I was 17. My dad asked me if he could do anything to be a better father. I told him he should say I love you.

He said I love you every single solitary time he saw me from 17 to 83 when he passed away

My mother never said I love you.

Oh wow. This made me cry

You had a good Dad