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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I bailed out when my DD was still pretty little. It caused be a lot of heartache and I’ll admit that I felt huge envy and jealousy when peers’ careers zoomed forward and I was standing at the kitchen counter washing the same water bottle for the millionth time that week. And just after the pandemic, when friends started upgrading not-quite starter homes to crazy $4m palaces, I nearly had a breakdown as we all fought for space in our tight house (in an amazing neighborhood).

However, staying home started to pay off. DH got promoted quickly at work because he was able to go all-in for a few years- flying to Asia at a moments’ notice, serving on special advisory committees, getting pulled onto special projects. It sucked to watch because we essentially had the same careers and some things I could have done better. But our DD was able to stay in a really demanding a fulfilling activity as her peers dropped out due to the challenge of getting rides and the cost. I was able to have long-postponed surgeries and medical treatment for chronic conditions probably triggered by work stress. I nursed our elderly dog through a prolonged decline and had the time to take on a new rescue later.

And like another PP, all of this aligned with a very favorable market which is allowing us to move to the kind of house that our 2-career peers are in. So the end result is essentially the same in many ways, and better in others.

So yeah, I took it on the chin and I know people look down on me, but it worked out and my kid’s life really benefited from having a flexible parent and another parent who could focus on just work + being there for her.

It’s a gamble, like everything else. Just know that you’ll have to absorb some nasty comments. And I don’t mean online. People express their insecurities or prejudice through their “innocent questions” and you’ll find out who is your real friend and who were just colleagues/mom friends/professional school acquaintances.  [/quote]

To each her own. And I applaud PP for sacrificing her career and being at peace with the present.

The path above would’ve killed me, regardless of my potential house size. [b]Knowing my spouse and I were peers and I had to stop and he excelled?[/b]

I do not mean this with any harshness. Anyone who takes the above path ought to have an excellent life insurance policy on the earning spouse and an excellent post nup. Life is different for all of us and we have to live it.

[/quote]

This is a very weird sentiment. My DH earned less than I did when we got married, but his career has really taken off and he earns multiples of what I earn. I still earn a good amount ($250k) but I have intentionally leaned out and sought promotions at a much slower pace than I otherwise would have. I am super proud of him!

What would *actually* kill me is just being known as the driver and servant of my kids. Which I mean, I kind of *am*, that, but at least it’s not my only identity! So many SAHMs - their kids are their only identity and topic of conversation. I don’t think that’s healthy for a woman.[/quote]

Your kids are only little for a short period of time. During the teen years, they need you more than ever. My middle school child seems to need me the most. My high school teen still needs me for guidance.

I have been a SAHM for almost 8 years. My youngest is now 7. I plan to go back to work. I will never regret these years home with my children. DH earns a seven figure income and we don’t need my income.[/quote]

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