Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bailed out when my DD was still pretty little. It caused be a lot of heartache and I’ll admit that I felt huge envy and jealousy when peers’ careers zoomed forward and I was standing at the kitchen counter washing the same water bottle for the millionth time that week. And just after the pandemic, when friends started upgrading not-quite starter homes to crazy $4m palaces, I nearly had a breakdown as we all fought for space in our tight house (in an amazing neighborhood).

However, staying home started to pay off. DH got promoted quickly at work because he was able to go all-in for a few years- flying to Asia at a moments’ notice, serving on special advisory committees, getting pulled onto special projects. It sucked to watch because we essentially had the same careers and some things I could have done better. But our DD was able to stay in a really demanding a fulfilling activity as her peers dropped out due to the challenge of getting rides and the cost. I was able to have long-postponed surgeries and medical treatment for chronic conditions probably triggered by work stress. I nursed our elderly dog through a prolonged decline and had the time to take on a new rescue later.

And like another PP, all of this aligned with a very favorable market which is allowing us to move to the kind of house that our 2-career peers are in. So the end result is essentially the same in many ways, and better in others.

So yeah, I took it on the chin and I know people look down on me, but it worked out and my kid’s life really benefited from having a flexible parent and another parent who could focus on just work + being there for her.

It’s a gamble, like everything else. Just know that you’ll have to absorb some nasty comments. And I don’t mean online. People express their insecurities or prejudice through their “innocent questions” and you’ll find out who is your real friend and who were just colleagues/mom friends/professional school acquaintances.

To each her own. And I applaud PP for sacrificing her career and being at peace with the present.

The path above would’ve killed me, regardless of my potential house size. Knowing my spouse and I were peers and I had to stop and he excelled?

I do not mean this with any harshness. Anyone who takes the above path ought to have an excellent life insurance policy on the earning spouse and an excellent post nup. Life is different for all of us and we have to live it.

This is a very weird sentiment. My DH earned less than I did when we got married, but his career has really taken off and he earns multiples of what I earn. I still earn a good amount ($250k) but I have intentionally leaned out and sought promotions at a much slower pace than I otherwise would have. I am super proud of him!

What would *actually* kill me is just being known as the driver and servant of my kids. Which I mean, I kind of *am*, that, but at least it’s not my only identity! So many SAHMs - their kids are their only identity and topic of conversation. I don’t think that’s healthy for a woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left teaching to stay at home as soon as my first child was born. I wish I could say it was a hard decision but it was not. DH makes enough to keep us in a decent suburban house, keep us debt-free, fund the kids’ 529 accounts, and our retirement well funded. My youngest is now in 11th grade and I’m just working part time now for some vacation fun money.

I don’t want to turn this into the “raise your own children” thread but you just have to assess your own talents and where they are well utilized. I was raised by my grandmother who was an incredible cook, gardener and seamstress. Now I couldn’t care less about garment sewing, but the rest of it rubbed off, so I’m like Martha Stewart with advanced degrees in education and childhood development. There was no way in hell I was outsourcing my child rearing.

Many of my friends don’t even know where their kitchen is, but make good money professionally, and that’s OK too.

Just play to your strengths, and make the decision as a married couple with your spouse, so you’re all on the same page. It’s a life-long decision in terms of financial impact, so you have to do it as a couple.

Not to be mean but a teaching job is not what people would consider a big career.

+100000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bailed out when my DD was still pretty little. It caused be a lot of heartache and I’ll admit that I felt huge envy and jealousy when peers’ careers zoomed forward and I was standing at the kitchen counter washing the same water bottle for the millionth time that week. And just after the pandemic, when friends started upgrading not-quite starter homes to crazy $4m palaces, I nearly had a breakdown as we all fought for space in our tight house (in an amazing neighborhood).

However, staying home started to pay off. DH got promoted quickly at work because he was able to go all-in for a few years- flying to Asia at a moments’ notice, serving on special advisory committees, getting pulled onto special projects. It sucked to watch because we essentially had the same careers and some things I could have done better. But our DD was able to stay in a really demanding a fulfilling activity as her peers dropped out due to the challenge of getting rides and the cost. I was able to have long-postponed surgeries and medical treatment for chronic conditions probably triggered by work stress. I nursed our elderly dog through a prolonged decline and had the time to take on a new rescue later.

And like another PP, all of this aligned with a very favorable market which is allowing us to move to the kind of house that our 2-career peers are in. So the end result is essentially the same in many ways, and better in others.

So yeah, I took it on the chin and I know people look down on me, but it worked out and my kid’s life really benefited from having a flexible parent and another parent who could focus on just work + being there for her.

It’s a gamble, like everything else. Just know that you’ll have to absorb some nasty comments. And I don’t mean online. People express their insecurities or prejudice through their “innocent questions” and you’ll find out who is your real friend and who were just colleagues/mom friends/professional school acquaintances.

To each her own. And I applaud PP for sacrificing her career and being at peace with the present.

The path above would’ve killed me, regardless of my potential house size. Knowing my spouse and I were peers and I had to stop and he excelled?

I do not mean this with any harshness. Anyone who takes the above path ought to have an excellent life insurance policy on the earning spouse and an excellent post nup. Life is different for all of us and we have to live it.

This is a very weird sentiment. My DH earned less than I did when we got married, but his career has really taken off and he earns multiples of what I earn. I still earn a good amount ($250k) but I have intentionally leaned out and sought promotions at a much slower pace than I otherwise would have. I am super proud of him!

What would *actually* kill me is just being known as the driver and servant of my kids. Which I mean, I kind of *am*, that, but at least it’s not my only identity! So many SAHMs - their kids are their only identity and topic of conversation. I don’t think that’s healthy for a woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bailed out when my DD was still pretty little. It caused be a lot of heartache and I’ll admit that I felt huge envy and jealousy when peers’ careers zoomed forward and I was standing at the kitchen counter washing the same water bottle for the millionth time that week. And just after the pandemic, when friends started upgrading not-quite starter homes to crazy $4m palaces, I nearly had a breakdown as we all fought for space in our tight house (in an amazing neighborhood).

However, staying home started to pay off. DH got promoted quickly at work because he was able to go all-in for a few years- flying to Asia at a moments’ notice, serving on special advisory committees, getting pulled onto special projects. It sucked to watch because we essentially had the same careers and some things I could have done better. But our DD was able to stay in a really demanding a fulfilling activity as her peers dropped out due to the challenge of getting rides and the cost. I was able to have long-postponed surgeries and medical treatment for chronic conditions probably triggered by work stress. I nursed our elderly dog through a prolonged decline and had the time to take on a new rescue later.

And like another PP, all of this aligned with a very favorable market which is allowing us to move to the kind of house that our 2-career peers are in. So the end result is essentially the same in many ways, and better in others.

So yeah, I took it on the chin and I know people look down on me, but it worked out and my kid’s life really benefited from having a flexible parent and another parent who could focus on just work + being there for her.

It’s a gamble, like everything else. Just know that you’ll have to absorb some nasty comments. And I don’t mean online. People express their insecurities or prejudice through their “innocent questions” and you’ll find out who is your real friend and who were just colleagues/mom friends/professional school acquaintances.

To each her own. And I applaud PP for sacrificing her career and being at peace with the present.

The path above would’ve killed me, regardless of my potential house size. Knowing my spouse and I were peers and I had to stop and he excelled?

I do not mean this with any harshness. Anyone who takes the above path ought to have an excellent life insurance policy on the earning spouse and an excellent post nup. Life is different for all of us and we have to live it.

This is a very weird sentiment. My DH earned less than I did when we got married, but his career has really taken off and he earns multiples of what I earn. I still earn a good amount ($250k) but I have intentionally leaned out and sought promotions at a much slower pace than I otherwise would have. I am super proud of him!

What would *actually* kill me is just being known as the driver and servant of my kids. Which I mean, I kind of *am*, that, but at least it’s not my only identity! So many SAHMs - their kids are their only identity and topic of conversation. I don’t think that’s healthy for a woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bailed out when my DD was still pretty little. It caused be a lot of heartache and I’ll admit that I felt huge envy and jealousy when peers’ careers zoomed forward and I was standing at the kitchen counter washing the same water bottle for the millionth time that week. And just after the pandemic, when friends started upgrading not-quite starter homes to crazy $4m palaces, I nearly had a breakdown as we all fought for space in our tight house (in an amazing neighborhood).

However, staying home started to pay off. DH got promoted quickly at work because he was able to go all-in for a few years- flying to Asia at a moments’ notice, serving on special advisory committees, getting pulled onto special projects. It sucked to watch because we essentially had the same careers and some things I could have done better. But our DD was able to stay in a really demanding a fulfilling activity as her peers dropped out due to the challenge of getting rides and the cost. I was able to have long-postponed surgeries and medical treatment for chronic conditions probably triggered by work stress. I nursed our elderly dog through a prolonged decline and had the time to take on a new rescue later.

And like another PP, all of this aligned with a very favorable market which is allowing us to move to the kind of house that our 2-career peers are in. So the end result is essentially the same in many ways, and better in others.

So yeah, I took it on the chin and I know people look down on me, but it worked out and my kid’s life really benefited from having a flexible parent and another parent who could focus on just work + being there for her.

It’s a gamble, like everything else. Just know that you’ll have to absorb some nasty comments. And I don’t mean online. People express their insecurities or prejudice through their “innocent questions” and you’ll find out who is your real friend and who were just colleagues/mom friends/professional school acquaintances.

To each her own. And I applaud PP for sacrificing her career and being at peace with the present.

The path above would’ve killed me, regardless of my potential house size. Knowing my spouse and I were peers and I had to stop and he excelled?

I do not mean this with any harshness. Anyone who takes the above path ought to have an excellent life insurance policy on the earning spouse and an excellent post nup. Life is different for all of us and we have to live it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left teaching to stay at home as soon as my first child was born. I wish I could say it was a hard decision but it was not. DH makes enough to keep us in a decent suburban house, keep us debt-free, fund the kids’ 529 accounts, and our retirement well funded. My youngest is now in 11th grade and I’m just working part time now for some vacation fun money.

I don’t want to turn this into the “raise your own children” thread but you just have to assess your own talents and where they are well utilized. I was raised by my grandmother who was an incredible cook, gardener and seamstress. Now I couldn’t care less about garment sewing, but the rest of it rubbed off, so I’m like Martha Stewart with advanced degrees in education and childhood development. There was no way in hell I was outsourcing my child rearing.

Many of my friends don’t even know where their kitchen is, but make good money professionally, and that’s OK too.

Just play to your strengths, and make the decision as a married couple with your spouse, so you’re all on the same page. It’s a life-long decision in terms of financial impact, so you have to do it as a couple.

Not to be mean but a teaching job is not what people would consider a big career.

DP.

I’m a teacher and I do consider it a big career. I’ve been focusing on growing in my profession for 20 years, and I’ve made a very successful and meaningful career out of it. I am well aware that I make a valuable contribution to this society.

From the many of us who devote our nights and weekends to properly educating your children (while you take every opportunity to insult us):

You’re welcome.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left teaching to stay at home as soon as my first child was born. I wish I could say it was a hard decision but it was not. DH makes enough to keep us in a decent suburban house, keep us debt-free, fund the kids’ 529 accounts, and our retirement well funded. My youngest is now in 11th grade and I’m just working part time now for some vacation fun money.

I don’t want to turn this into the “raise your own children” thread but you just have to assess your own talents and where they are well utilized. I was raised by my grandmother who was an incredible cook, gardener and seamstress. Now I couldn’t care less about garment sewing, but the rest of it rubbed off, so I’m like Martha Stewart with advanced degrees in education and childhood development. There was no way in hell I was outsourcing my child rearing.

Many of my friends don’t even know where their kitchen is, but make good money professionally, and that’s OK too.

Just play to your strengths, and make the decision as a married couple with your spouse, so you’re all on the same page. It’s a life-long decision in terms of financial impact, so you have to do it as a couple.

Not to be mean but a teaching job is not what people would consider a big career.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left teaching to stay at home as soon as my first child was born. I wish I could say it was a hard decision but it was not. DH makes enough to keep us in a decent suburban house, keep us debt-free, fund the kids’ 529 accounts, and our retirement well funded. My youngest is now in 11th grade and I’m just working part time now for some vacation fun money.

I don’t want to turn this into the “raise your own children” thread but you just have to assess your own talents and where they are well utilized. I was raised by my grandmother who was an incredible cook, gardener and seamstress. Now I couldn’t care less about garment sewing, but the rest of it rubbed off, so I’m like Martha Stewart with advanced degrees in education and childhood development. There was no way in hell I was outsourcing my child rearing.

Many of my friends don’t even know where their kitchen is, but make good money professionally, and that’s OK too.

Just play to your strengths, and make the decision as a married couple with your spouse, so you’re all on the same page. It’s a life-long decision in terms of financial impact, so you have to do it as a couple.

Not to be mean but a teaching job is not what people would consider a big career.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left teaching to stay at home as soon as my first child was born. I wish I could say it was a hard decision but it was not. DH makes enough to keep us in a decent suburban house, keep us debt-free, fund the kids’ 529 accounts, and our retirement well funded. My youngest is now in 11th grade and I’m just working part time now for some vacation fun money.

I don’t want to turn this into the “raise your own children” thread but you just have to assess your own talents and where they are well utilized. I was raised by my grandmother who was an incredible cook, gardener and seamstress. Now I couldn’t care less about garment sewing, but the rest of it rubbed off, so I’m like Martha Stewart with advanced degrees in education and childhood development. There was no way in hell I was outsourcing my child rearing.

Many of my friends don’t even know where their kitchen is, but make good money professionally, and that’s OK too.

Just play to your strengths, and make the decision as a married couple with your spouse, so you’re all on the same page. It’s a life-long decision in terms of financial impact, so you have to do it as a couple.

Not to be mean but a teaching job is not what people would consider a big career.

Anonymous wrote:I left teaching to stay at home as soon as my first child was born. I wish I could say it was a hard decision but it was not. DH makes enough to keep us in a decent suburban house, keep us debt-free, fund the kids’ 529 accounts, and our retirement well funded. My youngest is now in 11th grade and I’m just working part time now for some vacation fun money.

I don’t want to turn this into the “raise your own children” thread but you just have to assess your own talents and where they are well utilized. I was raised by my grandmother who was an incredible cook, gardener and seamstress. Now I couldn’t care less about garment sewing, but the rest of it rubbed off, so I’m like Martha Stewart with advanced degrees in education and childhood development. There was no way in hell I was outsourcing my child rearing.

Many of my friends don’t even know where their kitchen is, but make good money professionally, and that’s OK too.

Just play to your strengths, and make the decision as a married couple with your spouse, so you’re all on the same page. It’s a life-long decision in terms of financial impact, so you have to do it as a couple.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you make?

280k