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[quote=Anonymous]I am close with my parents and I wouldn't have described them as patronizing at any point in my life — supportive, loving, and curious is how’d I describe it more than anything at the point.

I call my parents at least once a day, more often twice but sometimes every other day. We also FaceTime as a family (with my sister) maybe 1/week. They live 3 hours away but we visit once a month or every other month. My parents are both still working but would drop everything if I needed them and oftentimes babysit, etc. My mom is a little physically limited so can’t babysit too often but she makes an effort.

My ILs are what I’d call patronizing and they have a very strained relationship with my husband. It has gotten a little easier since we’ve had kids but in general I’d say they lack boundaries, are kind of selfish, and are emotionally immature. As in — constantly commenting on my husband’s appearance, rarely call or come to visit (despite being retired and having a ton of disposable income), and generally kind of dismissive/rude to my husband.

Honestly, nothing has really changed in parenting styles. The best part of being home for me is being a “kid” again, even just to have someone toast a bagel and entertain my kid for me. To have people who are proud of me and think I’m great (and who tell me that).

My poor husband doesn’t get that at all - when we visit we feel like a burden, like we are intruding in their lives, and then he gets bullied by them too! (they’ve learned I’m not interested in the feedback). To be clear we are both working, successful, have a good life. Any excuses for rudeness isn’t really there - it is just how they are. They are just really emotionally immature, and try to make up for it by giving material gifts/paying for dinners/etc, which is appreciated. But we’d really like for them to just work on boundaries instead 😃

So think about what your home is to your kid! Do they get to fill their cup — feel loved, encourage, built up — or is it a chore that the dread? I’m sure you can tell[/quote]

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