Reply to Husband refuses to give me a hug when i’m sad

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m a woman and I am like your dh (I actually opened the thread wondering if my spouse had posted it, changing gender to remain anon).

I react this way for a few reasons, I think:

- I have a “buck up” attitude towards most things and it bugs me when others want to wallow, which is what I feel crying and complaining are

- I want to move towards fixing or moving on from whatever prompted the tears or sadness, and tears seem the opposite of that

- I hate to admit this last one because I realize it isn’t justified, but I feel that crying is a weakness and it makes me think less of dh when he cries

I suggest you find a private outlet for your tears. [/quote]

NP here. I am also a woman.  I was raised by loving parents in a loving enviornment.  I also married someone who was socialized to be stoic as a husband because his parents had personality disorders.   Of course, my DH was a very loving and responsive boyfriend but then decided to become like his dad once we got married.   The "Buck Up", "Don't Cry" kind of people are the people who are manipulative and gaslight others.   Great if this attitude is for their own selves, but to expect others to fall in line is ridiculous.

Anyways, my DH changed himself quickly because I have always had the support of my family, my education and my money. Which meant that he knew that I would leave him if he did not change himself.  He had to break the pattern of behavior  that he had learned from his dad.

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