Reply to Spouse won’t stop talking about DS’s sport

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job.  Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff.  It is morning, noon and night.  I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.   [/quote]

He is doing what is necessary for your son to succeed as an athlete. That's what a parent should do. 
Athletes who become extremely successful are often obsess about what they do.
Your two other kids should calm down. Do you want to deny your son a chance to succeed because your two other kids are jealous?
[/quote]

To the OP, you know the post above is from some sports nut, right?

And OP, you are right to be concerned about the impact on your other kids. This PP would have you focus on one kid's 'chance to succeed" at the cost of the two other kids resenting you as parents for the rest of their lives.

[b]The other two kids' goals, talents, and aspirations are every bit as important and valid as the star athlete's goals.[/b] The kids need to know this -- and star athlete kid needs to know it too, or he will lose all humility and perspective.

OP, please, you need a talk with your DH when he is NOT about to go to a game, is not on a post-game high, and the kids are not around. IF you've tried talking to him already, he may need to hear with crystal clarity that the other kids feel ignored and he is driving a wedge between your kids and between himself and the other kids.

If your DH is so far gone he wont' listen to you, can you enlist a male friend of his (preferably another sports dad) and ask that guy to be blunt with DH about how his obsession is going to distance him from his other kids and pressure star athlete too much? Sometimes people with a fixation just cannot hear what spouses are saying, but will listen to a peer from outside the family (unfortunate, but true). If your other kids have their own activities and interests, DH needs to be spending a lot more time encouraging them on those.

It does not help that the in-laws are just as obsessed. I'd be asking them very firmly to come to the other kids' events or activities and make a big deal of the other kids--without talking to the other kids constantly about their sibling, if they do that already.

[/quote]

No they’re not.

Glad you brought up the word “valid.”

Because everyone’s dreams and aspirations are not always valid. A parents job is to MATCH each of their kids’s abilities, talents, passion and strengths to a positive career or productive use of life.

Do you match your 3.0 kid to a surgeon track? Probably not.

Do you match your 24/7 robotics kid to a stem program or a frat school business program?

Do you match your outlier shooter & ball handler kid with AAU basketball or keep them in rec forever?

Do you make your get kid do theater design or join the swim team?

These are all adult parenting decisions. 
Sure you bolster their confidence and tell them “they can do whatever they set their mind and efforts to.” And to stick to something a long time, not flit around. 
But you also have to match their skills and abilities along the way. That builds interaction motivation and confidence.

Very few children are intrinsically motivated and maniacal about practicing anything. If they do have one thing and  like to do it, and show constant progress, nurture that. [/quote]

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