Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bigger concern is if your kid is actually not legitimately a D1-caliber athlete.

That places tons of stress on the kid thinking they aren't good enough.

Hopefully, there is good reason to believe that your kid is D1 material...either because they play on a top-tier club team that sends lots of kids D1 or a coach you know to be knowledgeable and honest has told you so.

That isn’t really a “big concern”.

Every athlete knows something can happen to make the D1 offer not happen.

It’s also why companies like to hire athletes, they handle stress well, disappointment, getting over hard times like injury, etc.

I don't know what you are talking about. There are tons of parents of athletes who have zero chance at a D1 offer...yet they talk as though somehow, some way it can happen because they read about some random kid (with zero insight or knowledge on that kid) that in some slight way resembles their kid and they received a D1 offer. I don't try to spend much time with those families because it's sad and you can see the disfunction.

That's a far cry from something can happen (i.e., an injury?) to make the D1 offer not happen...like a kid we know that was on the cusp of a Power 4 baseball offer but now needs Tommy John surgery.

Every non athletic family thinks all the athletic stuff is “dysfunction”.

Of course the kid knows they might not get recruited.

My kid is a recruited athlete who will be playing in college. He plays on a national travel team with one kid who will likely be a 1st or 2nd round MLB pick.

I speak from experience, which seems like more than can be said for you. The delusion for parents and kids is very real and unhealthy.

DP

Yes, some parents are delusional. Other parents are confident. Still others are cautiously optimistic. Who cares?

Should parents discourage their smart kids from studying unless they are 100% guaranteed to get into an Ivy?

Yes, parents should discourage their kid from fixating on an Ivy-league school if they have a B average...which is different from saying they should stop studying and give up on attending college in general.

Yes, parents should tell their kid that throws low-80s that in fact they should not be fixated on a D1 offer that will never happen. Either decide you want to attend a D1 school and play club or adjust your college expectations. That doesn't mean you quit baseball.

I am not going to name the school lol but it's Top 8. I played in div 1 and at least 3 of my teammates were low Bs kids in high school.

They were referring to a non-athlete getting a B.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just another perspective. I played a D1 sport and a girl on my team (and my roommate) had parents who obsessed over her sports career. She was an only child and they put all their time and a lot of money for her to train in Florida and go pro. She was on that track, but mentally she was a mess. Severely bulimic and always working out. So much pressure, she ended up not continuing in the sport.

Very small % of scholar athletes or college athletes flame out like that.

Anonymous wrote:Just another perspective. I played a D1 sport and a girl on my team (and my roommate) had parents who obsessed over her sports career. She was an only child and they put all their time and a lot of money for her to train in Florida and go pro. She was on that track, but mentally she was a mess. Severely bulimic and always working out. So much pressure, she ended up not continuing in the sport.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love some of the assumptions.

Our son has been recruited by Division 1 schools for 3 years and has open offers that he has not accepted because they are not the right fit of education vs sports experience. Was offered by a team coming off a national championship win, that treats kids like cattle, so he didn’t commit there.

He has had a non paid advisor working on his behalf since 10th grade, who talks to all of the college and professional coaches and does all of the busy work. The advisor represents high level athletes that he expects will play at the pro level and that is when he is compensated. He alone reps almost $90 million in annual contracts, I know this because another agency recently tried to get us to switch to their services. So I expect the Advisor is going to do a pretty solid job for my kid and doesn’t need the parents hyper focusing. We stay involved at the decision level because what is in our son’s best interest involves the education component as well as the going pro component. Where the advisor is only concerned with the best path to pro.

Siblings love brother and are very proud of him and supportive. Both of them are excellent athletes at the local level and are having a great High school experience, which older brother never had because of traveling all the time for sport. It is the morning, noon and night convo from spouse that gets very redundant and painfully annoying, almost at an obsession.

There is a strange disconnect in this post. I have never heard of a kid who is considered a pro draft pick that literally can't pick up the phone or have their coach pick up the phone and talk to a coach at any college and get them interested nearly immediately. Everyone knows everyone who are 5 Star recruits, so as soon as you say your kid's name they will immediately perk up.

No disconnect. He was committed and supposed to be in college this year, when he did commit he had top programs lining up and committed to one. Had an injury, nothing permanent, but it was a few months out in prime portion of season. That coupled with a coaching change he decommitted. Now that his season is in full swing and his numbers are back where they were pre injury, he is fully back in the recruitment cycle and has assistant coaches and scouts lining up after games to talk to him. Coaches and scouts talk to prior team coaches and scouts and the player, then advisors and once they decide to offer, they will set up a zoom with the parents and player unless the player is near the school, then maybe in person. Moms and dads aren't really involved in this process and parents that are emailing D1 coaches directly are pretty much bat shit crazy. I know a few that have dedicated websites for their kids, with resumes and extensive video they have compiled, they walk around tournaments and showcases handing out business cards with the web address to anyone they think is a scout or coach.

And to clarify, my WIFE is the one that is over obsessing about all of this. I had a call with sons advisor an hour ago, when I brought her up to speed she was literally trying to google info and check player portals and stuff to verify and try and tell him what else he needs to do and has called me multiple times since. She will start no less than 10 more conversations about this with me between today and tonight.

12:55. I agree 100% about all kids getting equal everything from us. And so does the athlete son, he gets annoyed and has to tell my wife to stop talking about the sport and players and all of it because she is nuts about it and sometimes he wants to just talk with his mom about other things. Siblings all get along great and all support each other.



Obviously, if the NCAA D1 national champion is interested....every other school has to be interested. It's confusing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He is doing what is necessary for your son to succeed as an athlete. That's what a parent should do.
Athletes who become extremely successful are often obsess about what they do.
Your two other kids should calm down. Do you want to deny your son a chance to succeed because your two other kids are jealous?

To the OP, you know the post above is from some sports nut, right?

And OP, you are right to be concerned about the impact on your other kids. This PP would have you focus on one kid's 'chance to succeed" at the cost of the two other kids resenting you as parents for the rest of their lives.

The other two kids' goals, talents, and aspirations are every bit as important and valid as the star athlete's goals. The kids need to know this -- and star athlete kid needs to know it too, or he will lose all humility and perspective.

OP, please, you need a talk with your DH when he is NOT about to go to a game, is not on a post-game high, and the kids are not around. IF you've tried talking to him already, he may need to hear with crystal clarity that the other kids feel ignored and he is driving a wedge between your kids and between himself and the other kids.

If your DH is so far gone he wont' listen to you, can you enlist a male friend of his (preferably another sports dad) and ask that guy to be blunt with DH about how his obsession is going to distance him from his other kids and pressure star athlete too much? Sometimes people with a fixation just cannot hear what spouses are saying, but will listen to a peer from outside the family (unfortunate, but true). If your other kids have their own activities and interests, DH needs to be spending a lot more time encouraging them on those.

It does not help that the in-laws are just as obsessed. I'd be asking them very firmly to come to the other kids' events or activities and make a big deal of the other kids--without talking to the other kids constantly about their sibling, if they do that already.

I completely agree with this advice. I was a more talented athlete, and my parent's overfocus on my sport was too much pressure for me. Plus, it had a long-term negative impact on my relationship with my sibling, who felt slighted. You have to teach your kids that a parent's love and support are unconditional, not performance-based.

OP please listen to this person above who has been where your athlete son is now. Your DH is setting up terrible dynamics for the rest of all your kids' lives. You, OP, are the only one in a position to see that, and to intervene. If you don't intervene, well, go back and read the post above and you'll see what happens. This all affects relationships LONG after the athlete's playing career is finished.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He is doing what is necessary for your son to succeed as an athlete. That's what a parent should do.
Athletes who become extremely successful are often obsess about what they do.
Your two other kids should calm down. Do you want to deny your son a chance to succeed because your two other kids are jealous?

To the OP, you know the post above is from some sports nut, right?

And OP, you are right to be concerned about the impact on your other kids. This PP would have you focus on one kid's 'chance to succeed" at the cost of the two other kids resenting you as parents for the rest of their lives.

The other two kids' goals, talents, and aspirations are every bit as important and valid as the star athlete's goals. The kids need to know this -- and star athlete kid needs to know it too, or he will lose all humility and perspective.

OP, please, you need a talk with your DH when he is NOT about to go to a game, is not on a post-game high, and the kids are not around. IF you've tried talking to him already, he may need to hear with crystal clarity that the other kids feel ignored and he is driving a wedge between your kids and between himself and the other kids.

If your DH is so far gone he wont' listen to you, can you enlist a male friend of his (preferably another sports dad) and ask that guy to be blunt with DH about how his obsession is going to distance him from his other kids and pressure star athlete too much? Sometimes people with a fixation just cannot hear what spouses are saying, but will listen to a peer from outside the family (unfortunate, but true). If your other kids have their own activities and interests, DH needs to be spending a lot more time encouraging them on those.

It does not help that the in-laws are just as obsessed. I'd be asking them very firmly to come to the other kids' events or activities and make a big deal of the other kids--without talking to the other kids constantly about their sibling, if they do that already.

I completely agree with this advice. I was a more talented athlete, and my parent's overfocus on my sport was too much pressure for me. Plus, it had a long-term negative impact on my relationship with my sibling, who felt slighted. You have to teach your kids that a parent's love and support are unconditional, not performance-based.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He is doing what is necessary for your son to succeed as an athlete. That's what a parent should do.
Athletes who become extremely successful are often obsess about what they do.
Your two other kids should calm down. Do you want to deny your son a chance to succeed because your two other kids are jealous?

To the OP, you know the post above is from some sports nut, right?

And OP, you are right to be concerned about the impact on your other kids. This PP would have you focus on one kid's 'chance to succeed" at the cost of the two other kids resenting you as parents for the rest of their lives.

The other two kids' goals, talents, and aspirations are every bit as important and valid as the star athlete's goals. The kids need to know this -- and star athlete kid needs to know it too, or he will lose all humility and perspective.

OP, please, you need a talk with your DH when he is NOT about to go to a game, is not on a post-game high, and the kids are not around. IF you've tried talking to him already, he may need to hear with crystal clarity that the other kids feel ignored and he is driving a wedge between your kids and between himself and the other kids.

If your DH is so far gone he wont' listen to you, can you enlist a male friend of his (preferably another sports dad) and ask that guy to be blunt with DH about how his obsession is going to distance him from his other kids and pressure star athlete too much? Sometimes people with a fixation just cannot hear what spouses are saying, but will listen to a peer from outside the family (unfortunate, but true). If your other kids have their own activities and interests, DH needs to be spending a lot more time encouraging them on those.

It does not help that the in-laws are just as obsessed. I'd be asking them very firmly to come to the other kids' events or activities and make a big deal of the other kids--without talking to the other kids constantly about their sibling, if they do that already.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He is doing what is necessary for your son to succeed as an athlete. That's what a parent should do.
Athletes who become extremely successful are often obsess about what they do.
Your two other kids should calm down. Do you want to deny your son a chance to succeed because your two other kids are jealous?

To the OP, you know the post above is from some sports nut, right?

And OP, you are right to be concerned about the impact on your other kids. This PP would have you focus on one kid's 'chance to succeed" at the cost of the two other kids resenting you as parents for the rest of their lives.

The other two kids' goals, talents, and aspirations are every bit as important and valid as the star athlete's goals. The kids need to know this -- and star athlete kid needs to know it too, or he will lose all humility and perspective.

OP, please, you need a talk with your DH when he is NOT about to go to a game, is not on a post-game high, and the kids are not around. IF you've tried talking to him already, he may need to hear with crystal clarity that the other kids feel ignored and he is driving a wedge between your kids and between himself and the other kids.

If your DH is so far gone he wont' listen to you, can you enlist a male friend of his (preferably another sports dad) and ask that guy to be blunt with DH about how his obsession is going to distance him from his other kids and pressure star athlete too much? Sometimes people with a fixation just cannot hear what spouses are saying, but will listen to a peer from outside the family (unfortunate, but true). If your other kids have their own activities and interests, DH needs to be spending a lot more time encouraging them on those.

It does not help that the in-laws are just as obsessed. I'd be asking them very firmly to come to the other kids' events or activities and make a big deal of the other kids--without talking to the other kids constantly about their sibling, if they do that already.

I completely agree with this advice. I was a more talented athlete, and my parent's overfocus on my sport was too much pressure for me. Plus, it had a long-term negative impact on my relationship with my sibling, who felt slighted. You have to teach your kids that a parent's love and support are unconditional, not performance-based.

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love some of the assumptions.

Our son has been recruited by Division 1 schools for 3 years and has open offers that he has not accepted because they are not the right fit of education vs sports experience. Was offered by a team coming off a national championship win, that treats kids like cattle, so he didn’t commit there.

He has had a non paid advisor working on his behalf since 10th grade, who talks to all of the college and professional coaches and does all of the busy work. The advisor represents high level athletes that he expects will play at the pro level and that is when he is compensated. He alone reps almost $90 million in annual contracts, I know this because another agency recently tried to get us to switch to their services. So I expect the Advisor is going to do a pretty solid job for my kid and doesn’t need the parents hyper focusing. We stay involved at the decision level because what is in our son’s best interest involves the education component as well as the going pro component. Where the advisor is only concerned with the best path to pro.

Siblings love brother and are very proud of him and supportive. Both of them are excellent athletes at the local level and are having a great High school experience, which older brother never had because of traveling all the time for sport. It is the morning, noon and night convo from spouse that gets very redundant and painfully annoying, almost at an obsession.

There is a strange disconnect in this post. I have never heard of a kid who is considered a pro draft pick that literally can't pick up the phone or have their coach pick up the phone and talk to a coach at any college and get them interested nearly immediately. Everyone knows everyone who are 5 Star recruits, so as soon as you say your kid's name they will immediately perk up.

No disconnect. He was committed and supposed to be in college this year, when he did commit he had top programs lining up and committed to one. Had an injury, nothing permanent, but it was a few months out in prime portion of season. That coupled with a coaching change he decommitted. Now that his season is in full swing and his numbers are back where they were pre injury, he is fully back in the recruitment cycle and has assistant coaches and scouts lining up after games to talk to him. Coaches and scouts talk to prior team coaches and scouts and the player, then advisors and once they decide to offer, they will set up a zoom with the parents and player unless the player is near the school, then maybe in person. Moms and dads aren't really involved in this process and parents that are emailing D1 coaches directly are pretty much bat shit crazy. I know a few that have dedicated websites for their kids, with resumes and extensive video they have compiled, they walk around tournaments and showcases handing out business cards with the web address to anyone they think is a scout or coach.

And to clarify, my WIFE is the one that is over obsessing about all of this. I had a call with sons advisor an hour ago, when I brought her up to speed she was literally trying to google info and check player portals and stuff to verify and try and tell him what else he needs to do and has called me multiple times since. She will start no less than 10 more conversations about this with me between today and tonight.

12:55. I agree 100% about all kids getting equal everything from us. And so does the athlete son, he gets annoyed and has to tell my wife to stop talking about the sport and players and all of it because she is nuts about it and sometimes he wants to just talk with his mom about other things. Siblings all get along great and all support each other.

Obviously, if the NCAA D1 national champion is interested....every other school has to be interested. It's confusing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He is doing what is necessary for your son to succeed as an athlete. That's what a parent should do.
Athletes who become extremely successful are often obsess about what they do.
Your two other kids should calm down. Do you want to deny your son a chance to succeed because your two other kids are jealous?

To the OP, you know the post above is from some sports nut, right?

And OP, you are right to be concerned about the impact on your other kids. This PP would have you focus on one kid's 'chance to succeed" at the cost of the two other kids resenting you as parents for the rest of their lives.

The other two kids' goals, talents, and aspirations are every bit as important and valid as the star athlete's goals. The kids need to know this -- and star athlete kid needs to know it too, or he will lose all humility and perspective.

OP, please, you need a talk with your DH when he is NOT about to go to a game, is not on a post-game high, and the kids are not around. IF you've tried talking to him already, he may need to hear with crystal clarity that the other kids feel ignored and he is driving a wedge between your kids and between himself and the other kids.

If your DH is so far gone he wont' listen to you, can you enlist a male friend of his (preferably another sports dad) and ask that guy to be blunt with DH about how his obsession is going to distance him from his other kids and pressure star athlete too much? Sometimes people with a fixation just cannot hear what spouses are saying, but will listen to a peer from outside the family (unfortunate, but true). If your other kids have their own activities and interests, DH needs to be spending a lot more time encouraging them on those.

It does not help that the in-laws are just as obsessed. I'd be asking them very firmly to come to the other kids' events or activities and make a big deal of the other kids--without talking to the other kids constantly about their sibling, if they do that already.

I completely agree with this advice. I was a more talented athlete, and my parent's overfocus on my sport was too much pressure for me. Plus, it had a long-term negative impact on my relationship with my sibling, who felt slighted. You have to teach your kids that a parent's love and support are unconditional, not performance-based.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love some of the assumptions.

Our son has been recruited by Division 1 schools for 3 years and has open offers that he has not accepted because they are not the right fit of education vs sports experience. Was offered by a team coming off a national championship win, that treats kids like cattle, so he didn’t commit there.

He has had a non paid advisor working on his behalf since 10th grade, who talks to all of the college and professional coaches and does all of the busy work. The advisor represents high level athletes that he expects will play at the pro level and that is when he is compensated. He alone reps almost $90 million in annual contracts, I know this because another agency recently tried to get us to switch to their services. So I expect the Advisor is going to do a pretty solid job for my kid and doesn’t need the parents hyper focusing. We stay involved at the decision level because what is in our son’s best interest involves the education component as well as the going pro component. Where the advisor is only concerned with the best path to pro.

Siblings love brother and are very proud of him and supportive. Both of them are excellent athletes at the local level and are having a great High school experience, which older brother never had because of traveling all the time for sport. It is the morning, noon and night convo from spouse that gets very redundant and painfully annoying, almost at an obsession.

There is a strange disconnect in this post. I have never heard of a kid who is considered a pro draft pick that literally can't pick up the phone or have their coach pick up the phone and talk to a coach at any college and get them interested nearly immediately. Everyone knows everyone who are 5 Star recruits, so as soon as you say your kid's name they will immediately perk up.

No disconnect. He was committed and supposed to be in college this year, when he did commit he had top programs lining up and committed to one. Had an injury, nothing permanent, but it was a few months out in prime portion of season. That coupled with a coaching change he decommitted. Now that his season is in full swing and his numbers are back where they were pre injury, he is fully back in the recruitment cycle and has assistant coaches and scouts lining up after games to talk to him. Coaches and scouts talk to prior team coaches and scouts and the player, then advisors and once they decide to offer, they will set up a zoom with the parents and player unless the player is near the school, then maybe in person. Moms and dads aren't really involved in this process and parents that are emailing D1 coaches directly are pretty much bat shit crazy. I know a few that have dedicated websites for their kids, with resumes and extensive video they have compiled, they walk around tournaments and showcases handing out business cards with the web address to anyone they think is a scout or coach.

And to clarify, my WIFE is the one that is over obsessing about all of this. I had a call with sons advisor an hour ago, when I brought her up to speed she was literally trying to google info and check player portals and stuff to verify and try and tell him what else he needs to do and has called me multiple times since. She will start no less than 10 more conversations about this with me between today and tonight.

12:55. I agree 100% about all kids getting equal everything from us. And so does the athlete son, he gets annoyed and has to tell my wife to stop talking about the sport and players and all of it because she is nuts about it and sometimes he wants to just talk with his mom about other things. Siblings all get along great and all support each other.



Obviously, if the NCAA D1 national champion is interested....every other school has to be interested. It's confusing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He is doing what is necessary for your son to succeed as an athlete. That's what a parent should do.
Athletes who become extremely successful are often obsess about what they do.
Your two other kids should calm down. Do you want to deny your son a chance to succeed because your two other kids are jealous?

To the OP, you know the post above is from some sports nut, right?

And OP, you are right to be concerned about the impact on your other kids. This PP would have you focus on one kid's 'chance to succeed" at the cost of the two other kids resenting you as parents for the rest of their lives.

The other two kids' goals, talents, and aspirations are every bit as important and valid as the star athlete's goals. The kids need to know this -- and star athlete kid needs to know it too, or he will lose all humility and perspective.

OP, please, you need a talk with your DH when he is NOT about to go to a game, is not on a post-game high, and the kids are not around. IF you've tried talking to him already, he may need to hear with crystal clarity that the other kids feel ignored and he is driving a wedge between your kids and between himself and the other kids.

If your DH is so far gone he wont' listen to you, can you enlist a male friend of his (preferably another sports dad) and ask that guy to be blunt with DH about how his obsession is going to distance him from his other kids and pressure star athlete too much? Sometimes people with a fixation just cannot hear what spouses are saying, but will listen to a peer from outside the family (unfortunate, but true). If your other kids have their own activities and interests, DH needs to be spending a lot more time encouraging them on those.

It does not help that the in-laws are just as obsessed. I'd be asking them very firmly to come to the other kids' events or activities and make a big deal of the other kids--without talking to the other kids constantly about their sibling, if they do that already.