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[quote=Anonymous]OP when you say DH doesn’t want to introduce conflict, has it occurred to you that maybe you are the one he doesn’t want conflict with? This is how he grew up. He is probably comfortable with these traditions and doesn’t mind it. He may even want to go and have his children have the same traditions he does. That DOESN’T mean you need to want this to hit just be open to the idea that is may be where he is coming from. Time to start stepping back IMO.

1. This year, find a tradition for Thanksgiving by morning - Turkey trot, family walk, delivering cans to a canned food drive - whatever is meaningful to you. Limit your time at in-laws to the meal plus maybe an hour unless there is some specific activity you are doing. On Friday start another new nuclear family tradition. Go pick out and decorate the tree, make cookies/crafts, etc.

2. This year don’t go to in-laws until after you have had Christmas morning and breakfast/brunch at your house. Show up 30 min before whenever the meal is or an hour if you need more time for the kids to open presents or whatever. Then leave shortly after the meal is over. Have some new bedtime tradition at home with your kids. Hot chocolate and a Christmas movie, play games or decorate gingerbread houses. Whatever sounds fun for you.

3. Next year pick a holiday with DH that you will host and invite in-laws to your house.

Overall just gradually start backing away bit by bit. Also, I get the sense you are probably late 30s maybe early 40s.  The dynamics will change soon as a matter of course. In-laws will have mobility and health issues that necessitate them cutting back on hosting large gatherings. Their friends will have similar issues that prevent them from attending. You/DH and any other siblings will likely start taking over all the hosting at some point. [/quote]

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