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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH has a corporate role that allows sabbaticals after 7 years.

He approached his boss and has vague approval for a sabbatical of 3-4 months if he wants it.

I’m trying to be open-minded about it, but I’m pretty frustrated and worried. DH is not the type who is going to be helpful during a sabbatical or pursue something valuable for himself. He is medicated for ADHD and a workaholic who stretches his work to fill his time while using multiple screens. He does not have hobbies and socializes 1-2 times/year by traveling to see friends. We both have careers but I do most of the physical labor and all of the mental labor of parenting and running a household.

Frankly I dread when he takes a day or two off, because he just sits around obliviously while I race around doing my usual routine. If I ask him to “help”, he gets huffy and says I don’t trust him to be an adult (I don’t).

Anyway, I told him that he’s certainly earned his sabbatical but I’m curious for what his plan is for that time. He said “why does it matter?!.” For years I’ve asked him to learn the kids’ routine, learn to iron the school uniform shirts, learn to do the girls’ hair, take the initiative to pack lunches and plan meals. etc. He’s always given it a 3 minute attempt and walked off in a huff, so I don’t see him becoming a house husband.

I don’t want to be told I have a DH problem. I do, I know. But I need advice on what is normal when it comes to a non-academic sabbatical. He got angry and said I needed to back off when I asked basic questions about health insurance coverage and his next role.

Help me brainstorm what a disengaged DH could handle during a sabbatical, along the lines of:

-initiating the beginning of a house renovation?
-visiting another area to decide if we should move there?
-taking kids to visit his family?
-taking kids one by one on trips with his friends and their kids?
-training for some kind of athletic thing?
-prepping our house for a sale and looking for a new house?
-intensive volunteer role?
-guest teach at his grad school?[/quote]

I’m confused.  Will he loose health insurance during the sabbatical? He will be paid right?  Usually if you get a paid sabbatical you need to come back and work for a certain period of time you can’t just get a new job and say “peace.”

I would have him look up some kind of certificate program or mentorship at his grad school. Ask him what he wants to I during this time and what his goals are and see what he says.

Ask him since he’ll have all this extra time he’ll need to pick up more slack and now be an equal parent.  He should be making lunches on MWF and you’ll do T and Th and he’ll need to bring kids to school and activities.  Show him the calendar or whatever and if he forgets that is on him.  Either way he should be doing some of this now anyway so start this discussion and have him do this before the sabbatical.

Whether he takes the sabbatical or not he needs to do his fair share for the kids. If he makes a lunch and it has I don’t know not as health options as what you do who cares?  Sometimes you need to let stuff go and let other people do it their way.

Ask if he wants to take the kids to his family at least once and you can stay home (my husband does this 1x a year for a long weekend).

It is his sabbatical but you’re a family unit so you should have some input and he needs to step up with kids and household things. You will be resentful if you come home after working to a dirty house and no meal cooked after you dropped and picked up kids and worked hard all day.

A relative in tech took a 6 month paid sabbatical after i forget 10-15 years at his company and he had all these grand plans.  He didn’t do anything other than travel and drive his wife crazy.  He didn’t do more with his kids or house work but he learned how to cook and made the meals.

Also is this a sabbatical or more of a severance?  Is this the type of thing where they pay him for 3 months to find another job?  If it’s more of this then he should be networking and job hunting.  Some companies do this for senior people.  [/quote]

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