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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][twitter][quote=Anonymous]My mom lives with us and the care was killing me and putting strain on my family. I finally hired an agency for three times a week. Then it went to 5. As she grew more challenging in many ways and her fall risk increased, we went to full time.

It is VERY expensive and people don’t understand why we need it and don’t do it ourselves. With both of us working and kids, it was driving me into the ground. I have guilt when people try to shame me for this and the cost. But we pay all of her housing costs and keep her safe. People make us feel like we don’t deserve to live our lives and paint us as lazy or selfish.

That’s lovely on top of the strain and stress. May they never be in this position.
[/quote]

People just don’t get it. When there are full time aides, you can bet there is still a family member putting in a lot of care hours. Employee admin, problem solving, stocking everything, and mainly helping with the hardest parts of the day. It can take two people to transfer someone and family are still also going to be involved when someone is having hallucinations, things like that. [/quote]

I am a PP who posted above about how my MIL oversaw aides for my late FIL. HUGE amounts of work. I also saw huge amounts of work take place with another relative in assisted living/memory care - things to buy and bring, issues to manage, dealing with phone calls, etc.

In both situations - one on DH's side of the family and one on my side of the family - there was a local relative shouldering most of the workload. And other relative(s) from out of town trying to vocalize how the work should be done, without knowing the extent of the issues. Part also had to do with out-of-town relatives complaining about costs (and how the eventual estate was being spent) but they did not know the level of care. Declined opportunities to provide respite care/give the in-town sibling/relative a break.[/quote]

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