Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$6k a WEEK!?

We pay $9k a MONTH for assisted living.

And they are two different things.

$28 per pound for Filet mignon!?
We pay $4.79 per pound for 20% fat ground beef.

You win for being rude.

You win for being ignorant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$6k a WEEK!?

We pay $9k a MONTH for assisted living.

And they are two different things.

$28 per pound for Filet mignon!?
We pay $4.79 per pound for 20% fat ground beef.

You win for being rude.

I think they were both rude. People have a blind spot where they think it’s okay to be rude and judgmental about anyone who spends more than they deem “normal” or “appropriate.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$6k a WEEK!?

We pay $9k a MONTH for assisted living.

And they are two different things.

$28 per pound for Filet mignon!?
We pay $4.79 per pound for 20% fat ground beef.

You win for being rude.

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:My mom lives with us and the care was killing me and putting strain on my family. I finally hired an agency for three times a week. Then it went to 5. As she grew more challenging in many ways and her fall risk increased, we went to full time.

It is VERY expensive and people don’t understand why we need it and don’t do it ourselves. With both of us working and kids, it was driving me into the ground. I have guilt when people try to shame me for this and the cost. But we pay all of her housing costs and keep her safe. People make us feel like we don’t deserve to live our lives and paint us as lazy or selfish.

That’s lovely on top of the strain and stress. May they never be in this position.

People just don’t get it. When there are full time aides, you can bet there is still a family member putting in a lot of care hours. Employee admin, problem solving, stocking everything, and mainly helping with the hardest parts of the day. It can take two people to transfer someone and family are still also going to be involved when someone is having hallucinations, things like that.

I am a PP who posted above about how my MIL oversaw aides for my late FIL. HUGE amounts of work. I also saw huge amounts of work take place with another relative in assisted living/memory care - things to buy and bring, issues to manage, dealing with phone calls, etc.

In both situations - one on DH's side of the family and one on my side of the family - there was a local relative shouldering most of the workload. And other relative(s) from out of town trying to vocalize how the work should be done, without knowing the extent of the issues. Part also had to do with out-of-town relatives complaining about costs (and how the eventual estate was being spent) but they did not know the level of care. Declined opportunities to provide respite care/give the in-town sibling/relative a break.

Anonymous wrote:$6k a WEEK!?

We pay $9k a MONTH for assisted living.

And they are two different things.

$28 per pound for Filet mignon!?
We pay $4.79 per pound for 20% fat ground beef.

$6k a WEEK!?

We pay $9k a MONTH for assisted living.

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:My mom lives with us and the care was killing me and putting strain on my family. I finally hired an agency for three times a week. Then it went to 5. As she grew more challenging in many ways and her fall risk increased, we went to full time.

It is VERY expensive and people don’t understand why we need it and don’t do it ourselves. With both of us working and kids, it was driving me into the ground. I have guilt when people try to shame me for this and the cost. But we pay all of her housing costs and keep her safe. People make us feel like we don’t deserve to live our lives and paint us as lazy or selfish.

That’s lovely on top of the strain and stress. May they never be in this position.

People just don’t get it. When there are full time aides, you can bet there is still a family member putting in a lot of care hours. Employee admin, problem solving, stocking everything, and mainly helping with the hardest parts of the day. It can take two people to transfer someone and family are still also going to be involved when someone is having hallucinations, things like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love reading how the top 5% live. So spending 300K a year is normal.

It's not "normal"-but it is what that kind of service costs.

Yeah, I don’t get the anger. If someone has the assets and is terminally ill, I think it’s a pretty valid thing to spend it on if that’s what you/your family want.

Anonymous wrote:The IRS had rules and regulations on in home live in care. I'd check their regulations regarding pay.

DP but I would definitely recommend using a payroll service if you’re not using an agency. Care.com has one called Homepay, and there are a bunch of others. They will do direct deposit for you and handle the taxes. You will also want to talk to an insurance agent about adding workers comp coverage or whatever you determine is appropriate.

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised at the number of posters who seem to think that theft and abuse are unique to home aides. I’ve seen theft in institutions and homes, and abuse in institutions. Bad things can happen at home or in an institution.

This is correct. My family was shocked and disappointed when our relative's heirloom (gold) cross was stolen from her at a local hospital that is considered reputable. This was emergency circumstances where she went into the hospital so no one was thinking about "valuables."

Anonymous wrote:I love reading how the top 5% live. So spending 300K a year is normal.

It's not "normal"-but it is what that kind of service costs.

Anonymous wrote:I love reading how the top 5% live. So spending 300K a year is normal.

No, most go to assisted living then memory care for much less. Having a full
Time aide is a luxury and usually doesn’t last for years.

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised at the number of posters who seem to think that theft and abuse are unique to home aides. I’ve seen theft in institutions and homes, and abuse in institutions. Bad things can happen at home or in an institution.

Our experience with "institutions" is if you visit, treat the staff with gratitude and are a member of the team, the care is quite good on average. Yes, things go missing-so no valuables.

There is another issue, that if you loved one needs medication to be a decent person and not abusive to staff, you pay extra for a nurse to administer at home, because an aide cannot, They can only remind the person to take it. Also, much harder to enforce. At the residential, they make sure the meds are taken which helps PREVENT abuse. Contrary to popular lore we did not find over-drugging, but we did find it was collaborative and we had to adjust to the fact the loved one needed more meds to not lash out. If you have dealt with a difficult elder, you know why this is needed. I reached my limit and realized I could become abusive right back-yelling right back and if I was ever struck, which I felt was a true risk, then there is a natural instinct to physically defend yourself. Dementia can be really ugly caregivers-whether family or hired help have a right to an abuse-free environment.

I love reading how the top 5% live. So spending 300K a year is normal.

I’m surprised at the number of posters who seem to think that theft and abuse are unique to home aides. I’ve seen theft in institutions and homes, and abuse in institutions. Bad things can happen at home or in an institution.