Reply to Anyone tried for some time to get over a spouse’s infidelity and you just couldn’t?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wonder how much you are unable to forgive the actual act of the affair vs

1. Being stuck in a marriage you can’t leave
2. Giving up a career trusting that you would not be screwed financially in the end
3 The fear he will do it again.
4. The feeling of being a fool
5. The knowing that someday you will be “broke” and you will be forced to grin and bear   It at your kids weddings.
6. The feeling of being pushed in front of a bus.
7. The ridiculous need to be “strong” so your kids never have to see him in the real light?

The only way to forgive is to be in a position to leave if you want or stay because you want knowing you could leave and be as happy or happier than staying.[/quote]

I’m in a position to leave.  No financial strings at all on my end, I’m fortunate to have truly amazing friends, I’m confident in my ability to pursue career 2.0 of desired/needed.  I’m generally a secure person.  I have a great relationship with my kids and they are out of the house. I have loving and supportive family [/quote]

If your financially secure why work?
There is no career 2.0 at 50 when you have never worked .. you could get a job and make some money, but why if you’re financially set?

So your kids know about the affair and you can have your feelings around them, really?

You really skipped most of the post except this imaginary career. So you do fear he will do it again, you feel like a fool, it feels like you were thrown under the bus, you can’t picture yourself at your kids wedding with his new younger wife.

Those are the problems more so than the “affair”.[/quote]

? People do find work fulfilling or interesting for all kinds of reasons separate from money (being of service, in community, self esteem, interest in the field etc) [/quote]

Then why didn’t she work before? She’s empty nesting kids are well beyond needing a mom at home.

She’s lying to herself, that’s why she can’t “get over it”.

She needs to be boldly honest with herself …. She’s mad she was made a fool, she mad she’s stuck with a man who doesn’t give a rats as$ about her well being, she’s mad she could at best have a hobby job, she’s mad that he’ll probably cheat again, she’s mad that she has to pretend to be happy in front of her kids.

She’s lying to herself that’s where her angst comes from.[/quote]

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