Reply to Anyone tried for some time to get over a spouse’s infidelity and you just couldn’t?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Anyone tried for some time to get over a spouse’s infidelity and you just couldn’t? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m wondering if I’ll ever be able to get to the other side.  I’ve really tried, done a ton of work, as has he, and many times I feel happy and even that we are in a much better place than before the affair.

However, the nagging doubts that he will be faithful long term.  The anger at being cast aside, the grief that I’ll never be able to say I had a faithful husband/marriage, the worry that the aging process will inevitably mean he wants someone younger, etc.  I do not  really know how to move through all of that.  And when will the bad dreams and intrusive thoughts, and comparing stop?  How to handle women openly being flirtatious toward him even if I’m there? (This one floors me- and it’s definitely not my imagination) FWIW we are in our 50s and kids in college. My husband is very attractive, fit, and successful.  I had a good career then stayed at home with the kids and supported his very intense career with a lot of work travel.  Just to flesh out the dynamic a bit.

Yes, I’m in therapy.

Advice welcome from others who’ve been in similar situations. [/quote]

Honestly, he might have realized what it would cost to divorce and decided to stay.  He might be hiding $.  A friend's husband did this.  Pretended to want back in (after cheating) and pretended to do the work.  We all told her to talk to an attorney asap.  She didn't.  After a little more than a year (and he continued to cheat), he filed and pretended he had no money, etc.  He hid it. He had put things in his new girlfriends name, made it seem like she suddenly had millions of $$ (she was a waitress at a restaurant he owned). He was worth easily $25+ million (owner of a company he sold).  She went through multiple attorneys, forensic accountants, and finally had to put liens on homes and another business in order to eventually collect a few million, when she would have been received far more if she had spoken to an attorney right.  She was on food stamps and deep in debt for years until she finally received a settlement.  They owned multiple 2-5+ million dollar homes and he just kept appealing everything and counter suing to basically try and make her stop/miserable/etc.

Whatever you decide, hire an attorney and get a consultation.  I am serious.  He might cheat again, he will just become better at it, and if he realized how much money he would loose and potential alimony, he might have decided to say or do whatever not to loose that $.  How did you find out?  Did he tell you?  If you found out that says a lot too...

Why stay?  What does he bring to your life other than saying you have a "successful" marriage?  What is success anyway?  You have kids, you had some good years, not everything needs to last forever.  If you were in a toxic job you would leave.  Is it fear of the unknown?  Is staying worse never knowing if he cheats and brings home an STD?  What is he leaves2, 5 10 years from now? You need to protect your assets especially if he is really successful, some young woman might see that as a ticket to the high life.  Whatever you decide to do, get a post nup, talk to an attorney, and protect your assets and your kids assets (you think if he remarries some young thing your kids will ever get money, heck no).

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics