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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Did anyone grow up with parents who provided zero life guidance and emotional support/growth during their childhood and formative years? How did you deal? How did you learn the tools to have an emotional life and personal growth? Did your siblings learn?[/quote]

My spouse did.
His dad and mom (and him and his brother) are all on the high functioning side of the autism spectrum.

I’ve tried to provide role modeling via myself, my brothers, my parents, vacationing with other families. And for awhile we sent the kids to private school so they became more social and socialized. Otherwise it’s all on me.

My spouse doesn’t acknowledge, however, what you are acknowledging. That there was a level of neglect and cluelessness and missing emotional support. He doesn’t realize that it was his guidance counselor that saw this dynamic and helped him get into college, the same one the counselor went to. He doesn’t realize that most of the world does not sit in silence during car rides or family dinners. Or that other kids did activities after school or took a real vacation once in awhile.

Unf his normal is neglect and isolation.

I stay for the kids. Everyone in my support network knows what I am going through. No meds will help him. He lies at therapy. He is closed off and thinks everyone else is crazy. Crazy to talk so much, do a sport, go out at night, go on trips. He cannot fathom another way of living besides his parents way. Which was quite off. [/quote]

I’m sorry this is your family dynamic. You are a strong person to manage this situation.

I’m always curious about these marriages to high functioning autistic spouses. In hindsight, were there red flags? Personally, I can’t imagine being in this type of relationship. [/quote]

Spouse of HFA man here. Red flags in hindsight- excelling at medical training tasks which required 8-12 hours a day of studying.

Red flag- his Parents with no friends who behaved oddly upon visits (overly friendly and fake). Mom not talking on car rides. Only One sister in law never married never dated no kids. It was not allowed to ask her story or ask her if she had been dating.

His family would say I was soooo funny when I was just being a normal person, I thought.

I was tricked because I was so thankful to be marrying a doctor. I wish I had become one myself rather than following him but now it’s too late for me.

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