Reply to Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow, interesting timing for this thread for me!  I just had a date last night with a man who said he loves rail fanning.  He didn't get too into details, but it seems like they're people who spend time watching trains.  Should this be a red flag?[/quote]

If you don’t like nerds, then yes.

I like nerds and think this is adorable. Model railroads, model rockets, and painting fantasy figurines are also green lights for me.

Everyone likes something different, and thank goodness! The only things that deal breakers are the things YOU don’t want in a partner. And that’s cool. Let him go to find somebody who loves training for marathons or weather chasing or whatever. [/quote]

The key thing, OP, is the issue of "he puts the hobby ahead of [i]everything[/i] else" that you experienced with the BF you had. That's the problem, not the specific hobby itself. My DH is in two bands; devotes many hours each year to an academic competition he helps run; and is a huge fan of something akin to trainspotting (never heard of rail fanning but watching trains is called trainspotting). But he never, ever would put those things ahead of, say, an important family event, or a school event he wanted or needed to attend for our kid's sake, or a family vacation. It IS important to him that he keep commitments he makes to his bandmates and the others in the academic event! And he models the idea of keeping commitments. But he has never (in 30 years) put them truly ahead of me and our now adult child.

OP, it sounds like you dodged a bullet by dumping a BF who put the sport ahead of the relationship. If your BF would have put his training (not even an actual competition, but his [i]training![/i]) ahead of, say, a family event where you truly wanted/[i]needed[/i] him with you -- that is not a good sign for a long-term happy relationship. Maybe if he were, oh, a national or Olympic level athlete and this were his main job, I would get that. But...nope. [/quote]

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