Reply to How much money would your spouse/significant other have to make in order for you to stay home?

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[quote=Anonymous]I am very much different than a lot of the moms posting here.  I feel that one parent staying at home and raising your kids is something you strive for.  Having to have a job and handing them off to daycare or nanny should only be if you have to.  But I know this area is very much about power and financial gain/equality,  so I realize I am the minority and that is okay.  Many of my friends work and say they could never "just stay home."  I tried working and said I can't imagine that I have to keep leaving her everyday.   I gave up a $110K job that I loved but I just wasn't feeling it after I had my first born.  Had to travel and was away for her first Halloween, pumping in a hotel room and thought "this sucks!"  So we figured some things out over the course of 4 months, gave up some luxuries we didn't really need and are both really happy.  I have been a SAHM for 7 years now and we did not see a power shift in our relationship.  We are actually much less stressed, barely fight and have a closer relationship.   I do not have any childcare help, no housekeeper, nothing.  I clean our 4bdrm house, cook meals, shop, errands, pay the bills, volunteer at all 3 of my kids schools, coach lacrosse and lead Girl Scouts. My daughter received financial aid to go to a great private school too.  It may seem lame to many moms and that is fine.   But not all marriages have to have equal financial power and not all families have to have the best of the best.  Many outside of the major metro areas in our country do.

Anyway back to the numbers. My husband makes 200K now but was probably only making 150K when I started SAH.  This is what we cut out besides the obvious daycare:

Eating out sometimes 4x a week (over a $1000/month) 
Bought a 2yr old minivan instead of 3yr leases on a luxury SUV (savings of $800+/month)
No more dry cleaners (saved $100+/month)
Slashed grocery bills more than half ($300+/month)
Cancelled Country Club ($1200/month)
Decreased cable bill by ($120/month)
Cut out many designer bags, shoes, clothes ($300+/month)
No more daily Starbucks or lunches out (saved about $100/week)
Spa days scaled down to 2 pedicures a month at a nail salon ($200/month)

Most of the stuff above was luxuries I truly did not need nor do I miss. We still do date nights 2x a month (MIL watches kids) and we do go away on vacations but I find the best deals before I commit.  Otherwise we are lame by most people's standards and do family board game nights, hiking, biking, local sports games that are free, movies at home instead of theaters etc...

I think you have to do what makes you happy in life.  I applaud anyone who is content in their life and happy in their marriage, whether they work or not.  Each family is different.  What may appear to be a "perfect" family could be tearing at the seams inside closed doors.  I think too many people in this area worry about what strangers think of them as oppose to their own husband and kids.  It is just a really weird area.  No one seems to ever be content and always wants more.  It is kinda sad if you think about it.  If you were given 6 months to live, would you still care about 90% of what you think is "important" right now?

Anyway, if you truly want to stay home, you should try to live off of his salary for at least 6 months and put 100% of your paycheck into a rainy day account.  If you still aren't sure, go down part time.  I did that for one year before quitting completely.  I still dabble in my profession by volunteering and I do the accounting for my husband's business to keep me on my toes.

Good luck with your decision.

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