I think the lessons I've heard are:
- some mothers work outside the home because their family needs the money
- some mothers want to keep working outside the house for reasons other than just the money
- some mothers stay at home and have a spouse with a fat salary (+$200k) or the family has some nice accumulated wealth/no debt because their inherited it or they used to rake it in
- some mothers stay at home because it's what they wanted to do even though they don't have nearly the income that some people consider necessary (<$100k)
- no matter what a woman chooses to do with respect to her career or family, there will be plenty of people (usually other women) to criticize her choices

We make $110k combined. If my DH made $150+, I'd reduce to part-time. I hate my current (admin) job and would focus on something that I actually enjoy doing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine just bumped up $100k from $300k this week and I still wold NEVER give up my job. I make $150k WAH on an incredibly flexible schedule for the Federal govt. I a17 years in with tons of leave too. I work only when my kids are in elem. school. I possibly would bump down to part time--but I will always have income and benefits. I was raised to have this mindset.

Lucky you. If I were in your position and DH made $1million a year I would probably still work. But aren't you already only part time if you only work while your kids are in school?

Btw, don't pay yourself too hard on the back for your "mindset." You've got a great gig that most people would kill for, regardless of what their husbands make.

Signed,
A SAHM because my profession imploded. Not because of my "mindset."

Agreed. Many SAHMs and FT WOHMs would kill to have that setup, but don't have the option.

I know. I am grateful which is why I continue working no matter how much my DH makes.

To other poster-- I wah 7-3:30. My kids get out at 3:45. DH goes in at 9 and does morning routine.

PP, I am really curious what you do to triple your salary, esp. with the Feds. I'm clearly in the wrong field here

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No amount of DH's salary would persuade me to deal with the drudgery and boredom of child care & housework.

Don't want to deal with a shift in our relationship if DH has all of the economic power. Ugh.

Feminist here who also currently SAH. Sometimes life circumstances put into the SAH world. Be thankful you don't have children with special needs. I am going back to work in the next year after 5 years at home. If you married an asshole it doesn't mean that everyone else did also. There hasn't been a shift in the relationship.

PP, well said. I always think those feminists that have to belittle SAHM are really unhappy with their life. Bullies and mean people are the ones with low self esteem. If her husband would change just because there was a shift in money, doesn't sound like a stable healthy relationship. I guess she takes her frustration out on the SAHM who live such "boring" lives.

Anonymous wrote:No amount of DH's salary would persuade me to deal with the drudgery and boredom of child care & housework.

Don't want to deal with a shift in our relationship if DH has all of the economic power. Ugh.

Feminist here who also currently SAH. Sometimes life circumstances put into the SAH world. Be thankful you don't have children with special needs. I am going back to work in the next year after 5 years at home. If you married an asshole it doesn't mean that everyone else did also. There hasn't been a shift in the relationship.

I am loving the poster who started at 00:06. What she said, how she said it, very nice. Dare I say classy?

If DH made $250-300k I would go down to PT, I make $150k now and am a fed, DH makes basically the same. I love my job and would not give up that security but would reduce hours so that I have more time with the kids and have more flexibility for taking care of household stuff.

I changed my hours this year so that I could pick up my oldest child from elementary school and skip aftercare. My DD insisted that she remain in aftercare at least 2 days a week and is furious if I get there too early as she wants to hang out/play with her friends. On the other hand, she likes that I pick her up directly a few days as well and can do different activities, it is a good balance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine just bumped up $100k from $300k this week and I still wold NEVER give up my job. I make $150k WAH on an incredibly flexible schedule for the Federal govt. I a17 years in with tons of leave too. I work only when my kids are in elem. school. I possibly would bump down to part time--but I will always have income and benefits. I was raised to have this mindset.

Lucky you. If I were in your position and DH made $1million a year I would probably still work. But aren't you already only part time if you only work while your kids are in school?

Btw, don't pay yourself too hard on the back for your "mindset." You've got a great gig that most people would kill for, regardless of what their husbands make.

Signed,
A SAHM because my profession imploded. Not because of my "mindset."

Agreed. Many SAHMs and FT WOHMs would kill to have that setup, but don't have the option.

I know. I am grateful which is why I continue working no matter how much my DH makes.

To other poster-- I wah 7-3:30. My kids get out at 3:45. DH goes in at 9 and does morning routine.

Anonymous wrote:holy hell - really? you're comparing yourself to those sahm's in other areas when your sacrifices included no longer leasing luxury vehicles and cutting out $300 in designer bags, etc?

Your message has some merit, but your story just isn't relatable to a HUGE portion of people even in this area.

But to the OP, it does, and that is who I was answering to - not then entire DC area. At the time I was making $110K and my husband $150K. That is about what she is making now (she said a little less than $120K) and she said her husband is making reasonably more, possibly even more than my husband. So she is very similar to what I was going thru at the time.

And the $300 was a month was in work clothes, purses, shoes, casual clothes etc... not just one designer bag. So yes, I think many women in this area spend over $300/month on attire/accessories for themselves.

SAH is all relative. Many do with husbands that make less than $100K a year. Many military moms have to SAH and sadly their families don't make anywhere near $100K most of the time. But they CAN do it if they chose to. As long as you aren't in major debt, anyone can if they truly want to. It depends on where it is in your priority list. If private schools, bigger homes in affluent areas, nicer cars, clothes etc... come in ahead of SAH, well then you probably can't SAH. If you downsize your house, give up lots of luxuries, realize the money you would save if you weren't working (gas, clothes, dry cleaning, take-out) then maybe you could do it. That is all I am trying to show.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Eating out sometimes 4x a week (over a $1000/month)
Bought a 2yr old minivan instead of 3yr leases on a luxury SUV (savings of $800+/month)
No more dry cleaners (saved $100+/month)
Slashed grocery bills more than half ($300+/month)
Cancelled Country Club ($1200/month)
Decreased cable bill by ($120/month)
Cut out many designer bags, shoes, clothes ($300+/month)
No more daily Starbucks or lunches out (saved about $100/week)
Spa days scaled down to 2 pedicures a month at a nail salon ($200/month)

How on earth did you afford all that on 150k?!

We actually made about $260K/year about 8 years ago, before I quit after baby #1 came along. I also was reimbursed for all my travel expenses and I racked up major air miles and he racked up Amex points so all our vacations were free. We also had no kids yet (up until #1 of 3) and already owned a home (still have mortgage, but it is reasonable since we sold 2 townhouses in the prime real estate market for our down payment.) Lots of money to spend - and unfortunately we did. Looking back on it, I realized we just pissed money away to live the "DC Metro dream." Blech, it makes me sick thinking about it. Wished it would have went into a college fund for my kids.

holy hell - really? you're comparing yourself to those sahm's in other areas when your sacrifices included no longer leasing luxury vehicles and cutting out $300 in designer bags, etc?

Your message has some merit, but your story just isn't relatable to a HUGE portion of people even in this area.

Anonymous wrote:
Eating out sometimes 4x a week (over a $1000/month)
Bought a 2yr old minivan instead of 3yr leases on a luxury SUV (savings of $800+/month)
No more dry cleaners (saved $100+/month)
Slashed grocery bills more than half ($300+/month)
Cancelled Country Club ($1200/month)
Decreased cable bill by ($120/month)
Cut out many designer bags, shoes, clothes ($300+/month)
No more daily Starbucks or lunches out (saved about $100/week)
Spa days scaled down to 2 pedicures a month at a nail salon ($200/month)

How on earth did you afford all that on 150k?!

My DH makes 120k and I WAH very PT making around 10k.

I am very much different than a lot of the moms posting here. I feel that one parent staying at home and raising your kids is something you strive for. Having to have a job and handing them off to daycare or nanny should only be if you have to. But I know this area is very much about power and financial gain/equality, so I realize I am the minority and that is okay. Many of my friends work and say they could never "just stay home." I tried working and said I can't imagine that I have to keep leaving her everyday. I gave up a $110K job that I loved but I just wasn't feeling it after I had my first born. Had to travel and was away for her first Halloween, pumping in a hotel room and thought "this sucks!" So we figured some things out over the course of 4 months, gave up some luxuries we didn't really need and are both really happy. I have been a SAHM for 7 years now and we did not see a power shift in our relationship. We are actually much less stressed, barely fight and have a closer relationship. I do not have any childcare help, no housekeeper, nothing. I clean our 4bdrm house, cook meals, shop, errands, pay the bills, volunteer at all 3 of my kids schools, coach lacrosse and lead Girl Scouts. My daughter received financial aid to go to a great private school too. It may seem lame to many moms and that is fine. But not all marriages have to have equal financial power and not all families have to have the best of the best. Many outside of the major metro areas in our country do.

Anyway back to the numbers. My husband makes 200K now but was probably only making 150K when I started SAH. This is what we cut out besides the obvious daycare:

Eating out sometimes 4x a week (over a $1000/month)
Bought a 2yr old minivan instead of 3yr leases on a luxury SUV (savings of $800+/month)
No more dry cleaners (saved $100+/month)
Slashed grocery bills more than half ($300+/month)
Cancelled Country Club ($1200/month)
Decreased cable bill by ($120/month)
Cut out many designer bags, shoes, clothes ($300+/month)
No more daily Starbucks or lunches out (saved about $100/week)
Spa days scaled down to 2 pedicures a month at a nail salon ($200/month)

Most of the stuff above was luxuries I truly did not need nor do I miss. We still do date nights 2x a month (MIL watches kids) and we do go away on vacations but I find the best deals before I commit. Otherwise we are lame by most people's standards and do family board game nights, hiking, biking, local sports games that are free, movies at home instead of theaters etc...

I think you have to do what makes you happy in life. I applaud anyone who is content in their life and happy in their marriage, whether they work or not. Each family is different. What may appear to be a "perfect" family could be tearing at the seams inside closed doors. I think too many people in this area worry about what strangers think of them as oppose to their own husband and kids. It is just a really weird area. No one seems to ever be content and always wants more. It is kinda sad if you think about it. If you were given 6 months to live, would you still care about 90% of what you think is "important" right now?

Anyway, if you truly want to stay home, you should try to live off of his salary for at least 6 months and put 100% of your paycheck into a rainy day account. If you still aren't sure, go down part time. I did that for one year before quitting completely. I still dabble in my profession by volunteering and I do the accounting for my husband's business to keep me on my toes.

Good luck with your decision.

Anonymous wrote:There's no amount of money for which I'd be willing to give up my independence.

Token feminist answer, I know, but somebody had to do it.

Me too. I actually could afford to quit now but won't.