Reply to Discipline and your spouse - if one person is much more strict...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
So, here is my current problem: my parents, who live pretty nearby, have visited us the past 3 weekends in a row and they called me last night to say that they are unvomfortable with his parenting style - my mother said it makes her sick to her stomach b/c he is too harsh and too quick to smack/ time-out. My mom is a VERY free-range grandparent/parent. I feel somewhat accused by her distress: as if I am letting my DH abuse the kids.

Incident she described: I was going to a funeral; DH had to work and kids needed to get fed while GP were here. I got McDonalds, kids started eating, then GP arrived and DD wanted to get up and hang out with them. DH got really angry; told her she could not get up til she finished and put each subsequent bite in DD's mouth, even while her mouth was full. My mother responded a little hysterically "she's gpoing to become bulemic if you keep foere-feeding her. I do beleiev the forec-gfeeding wass wrong, but i think he got over-whlemed with having to care for both while i suddenly disappeared when he needed to work at home and the in-laws showing up, He does NOT handle acute stress well.

So, what would you do?[/quote]

Your problem isn't just the feeding, it isn't just the smacking, it's the harshness and need to control little people as a way of managing DH's feelings. See, if it was me and I needed to work, I'd happily pass the kids off to gparents and go do it. Instead he staged a scene of dominance that you made a comment about but that neither you, gma or gpa stopped. DD could have choked. The risk is more that she have unhealthy relationships with people than that she be bulimic.

I'm curious as to why none of you said to DH, you seem like you could use a break, I'll take over with DD? What would he have done?

Rather than focusing on DH, I think you need to find a therapist and talk about power and control in your marriage. I think that your DH is abusive and even your parents are cowed by him. Get some more insight, otherwise you are taking on responsibility for trying to manage DH. Not your job and not something a control freak is likely to welcome. If I were you I'd go back to the counselor you saw for his anger issues and talk to him/her about where to go from here.

He is abusing your kids. This kind of unhealthy control is not going to end well. He cares more about control than their well being or your relationship. He does not respect them, you or your parents.

Glad you work and have local support.

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