Reply to I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her

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Reply to "I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd say it once.  Something along the lines of "the person who likes you back wouldn't be this hot and cold, let's hold out for someone who is as excited as you are about spending time together".

Crushes are hard, because they remain all potential with too few experiences to stop them.[/quote]

THIS

It's VERY important to not let your daughters think they are too much.  That they are in the wrong.  They will feel unlovable and start some distorted sense of themselves for attention.  Let them know this isn't reciprocated 50/50 and it's time to let it go and give yourself back that attention they didn't deserve.

And please let your daughters know that being considerate to her feelings with ACTIONS is a form of caring/love you look for. And that is really all to think about. A lot of these boys like using words behind a screen and "love bomb" and then manipulation by pulling back and seeing what the girl does.  If she keeps going, not only is she lowering her boundaries and self respect for a teen boy, but he is respecting her less and ready to manipulate and play more as needed - and probably with multiple girls - it's a dopamine game and it's toxic.  My DD had a guy like this and wow, the words worked with her.  And then he would make her feel guilty.  And then if they went 2-3 days without talking and she was starting to move on, the I miss you so much, I messed up texts would come.  But I told her he doesn't miss you.  He misses you missing HIM.  It just wouldn't hit home.

But one session, her therapist said, it sounds like his "love" is conditional, based on what you do and it also sounds like he never considers your feelings before acting out.  Tell me what is attractive about that?  And then it just hit her and she never looked back.  And her and her therapist made her make a list of boundaries that she would never lower for any man.  I haven't seen it, but that was over a year ago and she has been really healthy since.  [/quote]

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