Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is really the boy’s fault.

He’s just a kid, also trying to figure things out. My 14-year-old son recently had his first “girlfriend.” It lasted a few weeks because she (and her friends) came on really strong, and he freaked out. He clearly wasn’t ready for some intense relationship. He just had had his first requited feelings for a girl.

When he confided in me that he wanted the situation to end, I told him that the kindest thing to do was end it nicely but definitively (rather than slow burn pull away), and he did. Then all her friends started a text thread (with him on it) where they went off on him. They said he never even liked her and that he was obviously gay.

Let’s have compassion for all these clueless kids.

This is all part of the issue is social media now. But it also goes both ways. Many boys come on strong and expect the girls to be a certain way and do certain things with them and if told no, will dump them and tell all their friends they are a slut. I mean you just gotta teach kids to not involve others, stay off social media, and stay true to your values.

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is really the boy’s fault.

He’s just a kid, also trying to figure things out. My 14-year-old son recently had his first “girlfriend.” It lasted a few weeks because she (and her friends) came on really strong, and he freaked out. He clearly wasn’t ready for some intense relationship. He just had had his first requited feelings for a girl.

When he confided in me that he wanted the situation to end, I told him that the kindest thing to do was end it nicely but definitively (rather than slow burn pull away), and he did. Then all her friends started a text thread (with him on it) where they went off on him. They said he never even liked her and that he was obviously gay.

Let’s have compassion for all these clueless kids.

Anonymous wrote:I'd say it once. Something along the lines of "the person who likes you back wouldn't be this hot and cold, let's hold out for someone who is as excited as you are about spending time together".

Crushes are hard, because they remain all potential with too few experiences to stop them.

THIS

It's VERY important to not let your daughters think they are too much. That they are in the wrong. They will feel unlovable and start some distorted sense of themselves for attention. Let them know this isn't reciprocated 50/50 and it's time to let it go and give yourself back that attention they didn't deserve.

And please let your daughters know that being considerate to her feelings with ACTIONS is a form of caring/love you look for. And that is really all to think about. A lot of these boys like using words behind a screen and "love bomb" and then manipulation by pulling back and seeing what the girl does. If she keeps going, not only is she lowering her boundaries and self respect for a teen boy, but he is respecting her less and ready to manipulate and play more as needed - and probably with multiple girls - it's a dopamine game and it's toxic. My DD had a guy like this and wow, the words worked with her. And then he would make her feel guilty. And then if they went 2-3 days without talking and she was starting to move on, the I miss you so much, I messed up texts would come. But I told her he doesn't miss you. He misses you missing HIM. It just wouldn't hit home.

But one session, her therapist said, it sounds like his "love" is conditional, based on what you do and it also sounds like he never considers your feelings before acting out. Tell me what is attractive about that? And then it just hit her and she never looked back. And her and her therapist made her make a list of boundaries that she would never lower for any man. I haven't seen it, but that was over a year ago and she has been really healthy since.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like Larlo just wants to be friends again

Or guys don’t really get into dating this early

These are good points. I wouldn’t tell her he “isn’t interested” in her, because that is mean, and you don’t really know if he is or isn’t. But I would tell her NOT communicating is a form of communication. Him not texting back, ignoring her, being short, taking a ,one time to respond could be a way he is indirectly communicating he needs some space. When you give people the space they need, sometimes they come back around. I think it is ok to tell her that.

Well put. That is an important thing OP can and should explain to her DD without crossing the line of getting overly involved in relationship drama. I really wish someone had told me that when I was trying to figure out life.

Yes, I totally agree with this. It is so helpful to learn to look at behavior instead of what you want it to be or to speculate or imagine intentions. An action (or no action) is telling you something. I wish I had known that and would have appreciated my mom discussing this with me in a kind way as my supporter.

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is really the boy’s fault.

It is. The poor girl. Good riddance though. Hot and cold is not a good way to start out. It would have ended badly.

This whole thing is really the boy’s fault.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like Larlo just wants to be friends again

Or guys don’t really get into dating this early

These are good points. I wouldn’t tell her he “isn’t interested” in her, because that is mean, and you don’t really know if he is or isn’t. But I would tell her NOT communicating is a form of communication. Him not texting back, ignoring her, being short, taking a ,one time to respond could be a way he is indirectly communicating he needs some space. When you give people the space they need, sometimes they come back around. I think it is ok to tell her that.

Well put. That is an important thing OP can and should explain to her DD without crossing the line of getting overly involved in relationship drama. I really wish someone had told me that when I was trying to figure out life.

I always wanted more input from my mom than I got. I am old now and still wish my mother offered more motherly advice and wisdom and examples from her life where she overcame some difficulty-

She withheld way too much for my taste. I have a boy and i am having to learn how to deal with this part of parenting

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to let her figure that out herself.

But maybe her DD can change the boy's mind?

I would not tell DD this. It sets her up for a bad habit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like Larlo just wants to be friends again

Or guys don’t really get into dating this early

These are good points. I wouldn’t tell her he “isn’t interested” in her, because that is mean, and you don’t really know if he is or isn’t. But I would tell her NOT communicating is a form of communication. Him not texting back, ignoring her, being short, taking a ,one time to respond could be a way he is indirectly communicating he needs some space. When you give people the space they need, sometimes they come back around. I think it is ok to tell her that.

This is a great idea.

Anonymous wrote:You have to let her figure that out herself.

But maybe her DD can change the boy's mind?

Anonymous wrote:Seems like Larlo just wants to be friends again

Or guys don’t really get into dating this early

These are good points. I wouldn’t tell her he “isn’t interested” in her, because that is mean, and you don’t really know if he is or isn’t. But I would tell her NOT communicating is a form of communication. Him not texting back, ignoring her, being short, taking a ,one time to respond could be a way he is indirectly communicating he needs some space. When you give people the space they need, sometimes they come back around. I think it is ok to tell her that.

Is your mother in law the queen of Genovia? Hear me out...I see a way where this might work out for your daughter.

Some experiences are honestly part of growing up and learning how to express new and more complex emotions and situations as we grow up. Its awesome you are trying to protect DD, but I would say just be ready with open arms and a hug when DD figures out own their own. Just hope they come to you for support, don't pressure or anything. I would say allow DD to feel these new emotions and have time to be happy and giddy, and if DD is already coming to you openly expressing so far (which seems to be the case as you know the best friends interactions have changed and seem up to date on what's going on) you are doing it right.

I'd say it once. Something along the lines of "the person who likes you back wouldn't be this hot and cold, let's hold out for someone who is as excited as you are about spending time together".

Crushes are hard, because they remain all potential with too few experiences to stop them.