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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Hear you!

Putting aside truly abusive parents (who of course are owed nothing but retribution), I am often taken aback by the lack of compassion many posters have for their parents.

I wonder if they will feel differently when they get old. It is a scary, challenging phase of life. All about loss.

I was raised to believe that families help each other and that love comes with responsibility to have the other’s back. It is startling that so many adult children just resent their parents for getting old and frail before they leave this earth. [/quote]

You need to realize that families like OPs and many others are not such where there is mutual help or love. People had kids because that's what was done, not out of love. Sometimes to get out of their own childhood homes, often by "accident" or for selfish reasons, to catch a man (yes, it was done). Kids were tolerated as something that was in the way of doing their own thing, there was not necessarily abuse in a criminal sense, but judgement, constant critique, put-downs, no support or help, strange envy when the kids turned into teens.  As a result such kids often grew up with very low self-esteem, broken, feeling unwanted. I think it's positive that in modern age and with anonymity such issues can be talked about. Believe me, except for my own brother, I don't talk about this with anyone else in real life (not friends, not DH). If I'd tell you some things my mother spew at me as a teen, you probably wouldn't believe me, you certainly wouldn't believe me if you actually knew me. There is a lot of stigma, particularly perpetrated by such elders themselves, who of course would gladly want to forget about everything they've done and said. But my brother is my witness as am I for him, or we'd certainly be gaslighted. So please stop with this "respect your elders" and "lack of compassion", we don't resent parents for getting old and frail, we resent them for who they've been all their lives. [/quote]

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