Reply to Men, if you cheated in the past and got caught?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Man here.  Married 20+ years. Married sex 1x week.  I want more, she does not. So I have had long-term affairs for at least ten years.  I got caught once, confessed and went to counseling.  We are still married and I still have 2 long term affairs.  I am better at not getting caught, although I really think my wife does not want to know.  She questions things less.  I am not sure my APs care that I sleep with my wife.  They do not know about each other. [/quote]

I was the wife in a very similar situation and in my case, it wasn't that I didn't want to know, it was that I was busy biding my time and making my exit plans. Soon after finding out my then-husband was cheating on me (and had been for years, with multiple women) I called a lawyer and discovered that the state I lived in wasn't going to take his adultery into consideration in terms of support and that I was in no financial position to take care of my kids and myself at that point in my life. So I sat down and made a plan and spent three years checking boxes until I had the things I needed to make a life outside my marriage. Did I know he was actively sleeping with several women throughout it all? Of course I did, I wasn't an idiot. But I had turned a page and I had my own things to take care of. So I did what I had to do in order to create the life I wanted, which included going through the motions of a marriage I had no interest in actually being in. I have no idea if he ever knew what I was up to and honestly, I don't care. All I care about is that when I filed for divorce I did it with the full knowledge that I would be ok and be able to support my kids and myself regardless of what choices he made. [/quote]

Very smart but did he go to counseling for that time you caught him? Did he say he was going to change? Was he taken by surprise when you filed for a divorce?[/quote]

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