Reply to Men, if you cheated in the past and got caught?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Man here.  Married 20+ years. Married sex 1x week.  I want more, she does not. So I have had long-term affairs for at least ten years.  I got caught once, confessed and went to counseling.  We are still married and I still have 2 long term affairs.  I am better at not getting caught, although I really think my wife does not want to know.  She questions things less.  I am not sure my APs care that I sleep with my wife.  They do not know about each other. [/quote]

I was the wife in a very similar situation and in my case, it wasn't that I didn't want to know, it was that I was busy biding my time and making my exit plans. Soon after finding out my then-husband was cheating on me (and had been for years, with multiple women) I called a lawyer and discovered that the state I lived in wasn't going to take his adultery into consideration in terms of support and that I was in no financial position to take care of my kids and myself at that point in my life. So I sat down and made a plan and spent three years checking boxes until I had the things I needed to make a life outside my marriage. Did I know he was actively sleeping with several women throughout it all? Of course I did, I wasn't an idiot. But I had turned a page and I had my own things to take care of. So I did what I had to do in order to create the life I wanted, which included going through the motions of a marriage I had no interest in actually being in. I have no idea if he ever knew what I was up to and honestly, I don't care. All I care about is that when I filed for divorce I did it with the full knowledge that I would be ok and be able to support my kids and myself regardless of what choices he made. [/quote]

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