Reply to Do many/most people go through marital problems in their forties and fifties?

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Reply to "Do many/most people go through marital problems in their forties and fifties?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For those who don’t know any divorced couples I wonder where you live.
I am in the boat of knowing very few happily married couples.

We aren’t talking about rough patches.
When you are married to an addict or an abuser the entire marriage becomes a rough patch.  And often those character flaws don’t become fully apparent until after the arrival of children.

Oh I also blame youth sports.  No one spends nearly enough time cultivating their most important relationship in this area.

We as a culture want for too much — career success, financial success, super star children, material attainment, athletic success …something has to give.

The way lives in the UMC work around here marriage hardly stands a chance.  [/quote]

I'm the PP who said I didn't know any divorced couples in my immediate social circle. I live in Bethesda, where I'm sure there are many! 
And to your other point, my husband and son have ADHD/ASD. We've been married 20 years. Our entire life together is fraught with the consequences of attention dysregulation, as well the social and emotional misunderstandings that come with autism! There have been very bad times in our life together, PP.

This is what I meant by divorce not always being a measure of how serious the problems are. You can have very serious problems and still understand that leaving would cause worse problems, and still see that living together does bring moments of joy and fulfillment. Thus the conclusion that people who stay together must have an overarching belief in the concept of marriage itself, separate from their daily struggles. There has to be an element of faith, not necessarily religious.

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