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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, if you think that eventually your kids will be OK with this and you and your wife will move on, no big deal, think again.  They are always going to wish that mom and dad were there as a couple the night of the prom, or graduation, or first day of college.  And if either of you ever get remarried, there are going to be more dynamics put into their lives that did not have to happen.

It is not too late to take some action.  Maybe it is going to take a bunch of good cries, but is that so bad?[/quote]

This. OP, my kids seem to have internalized their dad leaving us (midlife crisis) as they weren't worth caring about. Ex thinks thousands of dollars of therapy will "fix" it but it's not the same thing as a dad who dug deep, realized happiness comes from within and from being a good person, and who built a good childhood for them. Kids from single parent homes do not do as well, there isn't enough to go around - time, attention, $, and the kids have to make adjustments that they don't have the resources to navigate. My ex was so into the nesting idea/kids stay put and parents move in and out, if we ever split, then decided it was "too much" for him to live like that, better to foist it on preschoolers.

OP you sound lonely. It sucks to be lonely in a relationship, I do hear pain. But your kids won't care that you are alone and don't have arm candy on Xmas, they will want to wake up and know that their family is together. Find your way back to your wife and stop thinking things that don't matter are the most important. A lot of what you are saying sounds full of longing for connection. Best to get that with your family, no? How lonely is your wife and how scared is she feeling? They don't get to distract themselves with a new life, their life has a huge hole in it. My kids lost a lot of time adjusting to divorce that they could have spent being happy or building friendships. It takes 2-4 years for a "new normal" to feel stable. Do you really want to do that? Do you really want them to be more vulnerable to risky behavior at the ages they are? If you have girls they are more likely to be attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable and who won't commit and if boys they are more likely to walk out on their family. Is that what you want for them or your possible grandchildren?

Don't talk about what is wrong with your wife or what you tried that didn't work. You sound wistful and romantic and a little lost OP. Wanted different things is just a platitude. You chose to have your kids, you need to do better by them.

OP, did you have a happy childhood and did your parents have a strong marriage? If not, you might just have copied that model, now feel unhappy and just don't know what else to do. It sounds like your married life got kind of polarized and that there wasn't a good balance of shared interests and alone time. Do you have older men in your life that you can talk to about navigating midlife issues? Family, mentors, older friends?

If you invested the time and money in courting your wife that you will spend setting up a separate life, where might it get you? What dreams are you refering to and how can you get there from where you are?

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