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Reply to "How should I advise DD on these “mean girl” friendships? "
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[quote=Anonymous]As much as it may hurt/bother your daughter, continually emphasize qualities that make for a good friend. Since she was young, we have always said it was more important for her to be respected than popular. Popularity comes and goes or is exerted in sometimes unhealthy Doesn't make the drama go away but empathizing in the moment helps. When the girl drama gets to be too much, she shifts to some of her boy friends. We also have some older girl friends of the family whom she will spend several weeks with this summer. They are girls who understand and are most definitely not as out of touch as me, her mom. (Her words, not mine.) They can gently mentor and guide so that she feels more seen. We also talk about how to respond and talk a lot about being civil versus responding with venganeance or in other particularly unhelpful ways. As previously mentioned, none of us are 100% kind and generous. I tell our daughter I am proud she can articulate how she perceives the dynamics to be. I try very hard not to display emotions. It is very hard when she is spot-on in her assessments and she sees how parents or the school fall short or do not address situations but my job is to help her through this difficult time as best as I can. Finally, I increasingly tell my daughter that though it is difficult right now, I know she will be okay long-term because she knows her self-worth and no one will treat her like a doormat. Good luck. This is so hard for the girls and the parents.[/quote]
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