Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stating loudly over and over that it’s bullying and be kind to a kid who is inclined toward this behavior and riding the high of a cool group isn’t going to work as a strategy. They’ve heard that so many times in the current environment including at school repeatedly. If it hasn’t worked so far not going to work now.

The biggest queen bee at our middle school has a mom who this is her party line and the mom is so clueless about the daughter. Her peers took care of the issue and mom is still clueless and giving her the generic talking points and thinks her daughter is the victim.

I said "this is bullying" the PP who repeatedly relativized issues, because "nobody is nice 100% of the time". I didn't say - "oh, well, tell to your daughter that this is bullying, and things will fix themselves".

Who cares what it's called!!!! Talk to your kids about how not to be a jerk and spoiler your kid is probably a jerk sometimes. Unless you gave birth to the one human who never tried on being a jerk at some point in their lives. If so, congrats.

You clearly care very much how it is called, because you are working damn hard to make sure it's not called bullying.

Once again, for you, because you clearly need some instruction in this area: "being a jerk sometimes" is not the same as being a bully. Bullying is a continuous targeting of a particular person with the goal to humiliate and socially isolate.

It's bullying. We all get it. No parent or child in this era doesn't know what bullying is unless they've been asleep under a rock.

They are bullies. Bullies are bad. Please stop bullying.

I just cannot stand parents who assume it's never ever their kid and never will be their kid doing this stuff. And let's recap and not forget...OP's kid is getting bullied and it's bad. We are anti-bullying.

majority of kids are not bullies and will never be bullies. a lot of kids are bully-adjacent, but bullies are fairly rare. it takes a certain personality to be a bully, and few have what it takes. shy kids, for example, are unlikely to ever be bullies. doesn't mean they are perfect.

Did you take a basic psychology class in college? Or even high school? Familiar with the Stanford prison experiment?

NP
bullying is not the same as occasionally being mean to someone or not liking them. Using that word for every non-positive interaction dilutes the meaning and makes people take really bullying less seriously.

Which is the whole point... All children are the same and all are a (a little bit of) bullies. And if your child is bullied today, the important thing to keep in mind that she might be the bully tomorrow!

NP. OMG! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

Let me guess, you were the bad sibling/classmate.

That was sarcasm.

Sorry! It sounded exactly like the cool moms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stating loudly over and over that it’s bullying and be kind to a kid who is inclined toward this behavior and riding the high of a cool group isn’t going to work as a strategy. They’ve heard that so many times in the current environment including at school repeatedly. If it hasn’t worked so far not going to work now.

The biggest queen bee at our middle school has a mom who this is her party line and the mom is so clueless about the daughter. Her peers took care of the issue and mom is still clueless and giving her the generic talking points and thinks her daughter is the victim.

I said "this is bullying" the PP who repeatedly relativized issues, because "nobody is nice 100% of the time". I didn't say - "oh, well, tell to your daughter that this is bullying, and things will fix themselves".

Who cares what it's called!!!! Talk to your kids about how not to be a jerk and spoiler your kid is probably a jerk sometimes. Unless you gave birth to the one human who never tried on being a jerk at some point in their lives. If so, congrats.

You clearly care very much how it is called, because you are working damn hard to make sure it's not called bullying.

Once again, for you, because you clearly need some instruction in this area: "being a jerk sometimes" is not the same as being a bully. Bullying is a continuous targeting of a particular person with the goal to humiliate and socially isolate.

It's bullying. We all get it. No parent or child in this era doesn't know what bullying is unless they've been asleep under a rock.

They are bullies. Bullies are bad. Please stop bullying.

I just cannot stand parents who assume it's never ever their kid and never will be their kid doing this stuff. And let's recap and not forget...OP's kid is getting bullied and it's bad. We are anti-bullying.

majority of kids are not bullies and will never be bullies. a lot of kids are bully-adjacent, but bullies are fairly rare. it takes a certain personality to be a bully, and few have what it takes. shy kids, for example, are unlikely to ever be bullies. doesn't mean they are perfect.

Did you take a basic psychology class in college? Or even high school? Familiar with the Stanford prison experiment?

NP
bullying is not the same as occasionally being mean to someone or not liking them. Using that word for every non-positive interaction dilutes the meaning and makes people take really bullying less seriously.

Which is the whole point... All children are the same and all are a (a little bit of) bullies. And if your child is bullied today, the important thing to keep in mind that she might be the bully tomorrow!

NP. OMG! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

Let me guess, you were the bad sibling/classmate.

That was sarcasm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stating loudly over and over that it’s bullying and be kind to a kid who is inclined toward this behavior and riding the high of a cool group isn’t going to work as a strategy. They’ve heard that so many times in the current environment including at school repeatedly. If it hasn’t worked so far not going to work now.

The biggest queen bee at our middle school has a mom who this is her party line and the mom is so clueless about the daughter. Her peers took care of the issue and mom is still clueless and giving her the generic talking points and thinks her daughter is the victim.

I said "this is bullying" the PP who repeatedly relativized issues, because "nobody is nice 100% of the time". I didn't say - "oh, well, tell to your daughter that this is bullying, and things will fix themselves".

Who cares what it's called!!!! Talk to your kids about how not to be a jerk and spoiler your kid is probably a jerk sometimes. Unless you gave birth to the one human who never tried on being a jerk at some point in their lives. If so, congrats.

You clearly care very much how it is called, because you are working damn hard to make sure it's not called bullying.

Once again, for you, because you clearly need some instruction in this area: "being a jerk sometimes" is not the same as being a bully. Bullying is a continuous targeting of a particular person with the goal to humiliate and socially isolate.

It's bullying. We all get it. No parent or child in this era doesn't know what bullying is unless they've been asleep under a rock.

They are bullies. Bullies are bad. Please stop bullying.

I just cannot stand parents who assume it's never ever their kid and never will be their kid doing this stuff. And let's recap and not forget...OP's kid is getting bullied and it's bad. We are anti-bullying.

majority of kids are not bullies and will never be bullies. a lot of kids are bully-adjacent, but bullies are fairly rare. it takes a certain personality to be a bully, and few have what it takes. shy kids, for example, are unlikely to ever be bullies. doesn't mean they are perfect.

Did you take a basic psychology class in college? Or even high school? Familiar with the Stanford prison experiment?

NP
bullying is not the same as occasionally being mean to someone or not liking them. Using that word for every non-positive interaction dilutes the meaning and makes people take really bullying less seriously.

Which is the whole point... All children are the same and all are a (a little bit of) bullies. And if your child is bullied today, the important thing to keep in mind that she might be the bully tomorrow!

NP. OMG! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

Let me guess, you were the bad sibling/classmate.

Anonymous wrote:I’m feeling really sad for my DD13/8th. She’s had a friend since 6th, A, and they added another friend in 7th, B, and the three have been inseparable since. I don’t know all the ins and outs but apparently B wanted to do more “mature” things (Roblox/Fortnite are for losers, the “kid” things they had just been enjoying are suddenly childish, etc), but DD did not want to join in while A was reluctant. Then B and a “popular/problematic” girl got close, recruited A, and then they all turned on DD, where now they equal parts blatantly ignore her, or give her dirty looks, or do that looking at her while whispering and giggling thing girls do.

She quickly slid over into a side friend group and seems to be fine about the whole thing. But last night she told me, “Maybe things will calm down and we can be friends again.” I didn’t say anything because I was caught off guard and didn’t want to say the wrong thing. But what SHOULD I say? Clearly these aren’t nice girls. I hate that she thinks she could be friends with them again. Thoughts?

It does sound like they were growing apart. I would encourage and help her find ways to socialize with kids that align more with her interests. I hope she finds some great new friendships very soon.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stating loudly over and over that it’s bullying and be kind to a kid who is inclined toward this behavior and riding the high of a cool group isn’t going to work as a strategy. They’ve heard that so many times in the current environment including at school repeatedly. If it hasn’t worked so far not going to work now.

The biggest queen bee at our middle school has a mom who this is her party line and the mom is so clueless about the daughter. Her peers took care of the issue and mom is still clueless and giving her the generic talking points and thinks her daughter is the victim.

I said "this is bullying" the PP who repeatedly relativized issues, because "nobody is nice 100% of the time". I didn't say - "oh, well, tell to your daughter that this is bullying, and things will fix themselves".

Who cares what it's called!!!! Talk to your kids about how not to be a jerk and spoiler your kid is probably a jerk sometimes. Unless you gave birth to the one human who never tried on being a jerk at some point in their lives. If so, congrats.

You clearly care very much how it is called, because you are working damn hard to make sure it's not called bullying.

Once again, for you, because you clearly need some instruction in this area: "being a jerk sometimes" is not the same as being a bully. Bullying is a continuous targeting of a particular person with the goal to humiliate and socially isolate.

It's bullying. We all get it. No parent or child in this era doesn't know what bullying is unless they've been asleep under a rock.

They are bullies. Bullies are bad. Please stop bullying.

I just cannot stand parents who assume it's never ever their kid and never will be their kid doing this stuff. And let's recap and not forget...OP's kid is getting bullied and it's bad. We are anti-bullying.

majority of kids are not bullies and will never be bullies. a lot of kids are bully-adjacent, but bullies are fairly rare. it takes a certain personality to be a bully, and few have what it takes. shy kids, for example, are unlikely to ever be bullies. doesn't mean they are perfect.

Did you take a basic psychology class in college? Or even high school? Familiar with the Stanford prison experiment?

NP
bullying is not the same as occasionally being mean to someone or not liking them. Using that word for every non-positive interaction dilutes the meaning and makes people take really bullying less seriously.

Which is the whole point... All children are the same and all are a (a little bit of) bullies. And if your child is bullied today, the important thing to keep in mind that she might be the bully tomorrow!

I dont agree with this at all. All children are not the same. Far from it. So many different factors. If anything, maybe all children will have opportunities to be bystanders. But most children don't become bullies.

As much as it may hurt/bother your daughter, continually emphasize qualities that make for a good friend. Since she was young, we have always said it was more important for her to be respected than popular. Popularity comes and goes or is exerted in sometimes unhealthy Doesn't make the drama go away but empathizing in the moment helps.

When the girl drama gets to be too much, she shifts to some of her boy friends. We also have some older girl friends of the family whom she will spend several weeks with this summer. They are girls who understand and are most definitely not as out of touch as me, her mom. (Her words, not mine.) They can gently mentor and guide so that she feels more seen.

We also talk about how to respond and talk a lot about being civil versus responding with venganeance or in other particularly unhelpful ways. As previously mentioned, none of us are 100% kind and generous.

I tell our daughter I am proud she can articulate how she perceives the dynamics to be. I try very hard not to display emotions. It is very hard when she is spot-on in her assessments and she sees how parents or the school fall short or do not address situations but my job is to help her through this difficult time as best as I can.

Finally, I increasingly tell my daughter that though it is difficult right now, I know she will be okay long-term because she knows her self-worth and no one will treat her like a doormat.

Good luck. This is so hard for the girls and the parents.

Anonymous wrote:You should say "maybe".

Because guess what maybe they will be friends again, maybe they will mature and change and grow, maybe they will apologize at some point or be better friends. They are all kids. It doesn't excuse bad behavior but I 100 percent guarantee your DD has not been a nice girl every minute of her life so far and you'd want other people to give her room to grow.

+1
This is the only response you need. I would say the same thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stating loudly over and over that it’s bullying and be kind to a kid who is inclined toward this behavior and riding the high of a cool group isn’t going to work as a strategy. They’ve heard that so many times in the current environment including at school repeatedly. If it hasn’t worked so far not going to work now.

The biggest queen bee at our middle school has a mom who this is her party line and the mom is so clueless about the daughter. Her peers took care of the issue and mom is still clueless and giving her the generic talking points and thinks her daughter is the victim.

I said "this is bullying" the PP who repeatedly relativized issues, because "nobody is nice 100% of the time". I didn't say - "oh, well, tell to your daughter that this is bullying, and things will fix themselves".

Who cares what it's called!!!! Talk to your kids about how not to be a jerk and spoiler your kid is probably a jerk sometimes. Unless you gave birth to the one human who never tried on being a jerk at some point in their lives. If so, congrats.

You clearly care very much how it is called, because you are working damn hard to make sure it's not called bullying.

Once again, for you, because you clearly need some instruction in this area: "being a jerk sometimes" is not the same as being a bully. Bullying is a continuous targeting of a particular person with the goal to humiliate and socially isolate.

It's bullying. We all get it. No parent or child in this era doesn't know what bullying is unless they've been asleep under a rock.

They are bullies. Bullies are bad. Please stop bullying.

I just cannot stand parents who assume it's never ever their kid and never will be their kid doing this stuff. And let's recap and not forget...OP's kid is getting bullied and it's bad. We are anti-bullying.

majority of kids are not bullies and will never be bullies. a lot of kids are bully-adjacent, but bullies are fairly rare. it takes a certain personality to be a bully, and few have what it takes. shy kids, for example, are unlikely to ever be bullies. doesn't mean they are perfect.

Did you take a basic psychology class in college? Or even high school? Familiar with the Stanford prison experiment?

In addition to being a fraud, Zimbardo was a relentless self-promoter and quite bit of a bully himself. No wonder he wanted to prove that there is a bully in all of us.

Oh, and FYI - more than decade into replication crisis we can confidently say that personality psychology and behavioral genetics have a much, much stronger record i.e. more reliable findings, than social psychology.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stating loudly over and over that it’s bullying and be kind to a kid who is inclined toward this behavior and riding the high of a cool group isn’t going to work as a strategy. They’ve heard that so many times in the current environment including at school repeatedly. If it hasn’t worked so far not going to work now.

The biggest queen bee at our middle school has a mom who this is her party line and the mom is so clueless about the daughter. Her peers took care of the issue and mom is still clueless and giving her the generic talking points and thinks her daughter is the victim.

I said "this is bullying" the PP who repeatedly relativized issues, because "nobody is nice 100% of the time". I didn't say - "oh, well, tell to your daughter that this is bullying, and things will fix themselves".

Who cares what it's called!!!! Talk to your kids about how not to be a jerk and spoiler your kid is probably a jerk sometimes. Unless you gave birth to the one human who never tried on being a jerk at some point in their lives. If so, congrats.

You clearly care very much how it is called, because you are working damn hard to make sure it's not called bullying.

Once again, for you, because you clearly need some instruction in this area: "being a jerk sometimes" is not the same as being a bully. Bullying is a continuous targeting of a particular person with the goal to humiliate and socially isolate.

It's bullying. We all get it. No parent or child in this era doesn't know what bullying is unless they've been asleep under a rock.

They are bullies. Bullies are bad. Please stop bullying.

I just cannot stand parents who assume it's never ever their kid and never will be their kid doing this stuff. And let's recap and not forget...OP's kid is getting bullied and it's bad. We are anti-bullying.

majority of kids are not bullies and will never be bullies. a lot of kids are bully-adjacent, but bullies are fairly rare. it takes a certain personality to be a bully, and few have what it takes. shy kids, for example, are unlikely to ever be bullies. doesn't mean they are perfect.

Did you take a basic psychology class in college? Or even high school? Familiar with the Stanford prison experiment?

NP
bullying is not the same as occasionally being mean to someone or not liking them. Using that word for every non-positive interaction dilutes the meaning and makes people take really bullying less seriously.

Which is the whole point... All children are the same and all are a (a little bit of) bullies. And if your child is bullied today, the important thing to keep in mind that she might be the bully tomorrow!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a division of the cooler prettier girls during the teen years.

I remember going to middle school and I had a good friend drop me for the cool popular crowd. I made new friends who were equally pretty and nice but we didn’t hang out with boys. The friend who acted like she no longer knew me was basically recruited by the cool boys. I never thought of my friend as mean.

Parents who present the kids who go off with popular friends or find a new group as "mean" are genuinely missing an opportunity. Friendships shift. People grow apart. Sometimes we might like it and sometimes we might not. It's part of life. Do teen girls always handle it the best way they could? Nope. So talk about that. But really it is normal for friendships to change so teach your kids to be resilient and move on with as much grace as possible.

Please. Giggling and whispering while looking at a former best friend, whom you suddenly completely ignore for no good reason, is not "people growing apart" and "friendship changing". It is bullying. And with so many mothers unable to see it for it is, no wonder it's rampant.

Did anyone read this part...

Do teen girls always handle it the best way they could? Nope. So talk about that.

They are not suddenly ignoring them for no good reason TO THEM. In their middle school brain, being cool is really important. Don't shame them for it. Talk to them about it. Is being popular "real"? Not really. Does it feel good in the moment? Sure and why. Is it going to last? Probably not. What is actually important in a friendship? What are you willing to do to be or stay popular? How does that feel? Are you even having any fun?

I still think a lot of you are just missing an opportunity for conversation and have black and white thinking. Most of our kids are going to be both on the receiving and giving end of this type of crap.

There is no good reason to completely ignore someone you know very well, much less giggle at them. There is something called kindness, and if that's not your thing, politeness. When you grow apart, regardless of whether the reason is a good or a stupid one (to you, or to someone else) you say hello and make some small talk on occasion. You don't laugh at them. You don' ridicule them.

The problem here is not the friendship group changed, or that teens grew apart - this happens all the time, as it should. It's the bullying. You keep trivializing bullying because "nobody is perfect" and let's not do "black and white thinking". But in your oh so sophisticated gray world, there are a lot of shades of gray. And bullying is a pretty dark one.

Agreed.

PP who keeps talking about the opportunity to talk - of course it is. You talk to them about how it IS natural that friendships shift at this age and throughout life AND you emphasize how to do that while still being a kind person. You talk to your kids about NOT being a bully. You don't justify their teen BS reasons (i.e. being cool). You emphasize that treating others poorly to be cool is, well, NOT cool.

And if your kid is the target of mean behavior, you talk to them about that, too. Standing up for themselves, finding kinder people to be around, what real friendship looks like, etc. And mostly you listen, so that they have a safe place to discuss how they feel.

And that comment about don't shame them for it or don't call it "mean". Hell, no to that. They should feel some shame if they are mistreating an old friend simply based on some middle school ideas about being cool. Shame serves a purpose when you are growing and developing. If you mistreat someone, you should be called out on it, the word "mean" can be applied, and you should feel shame.

Reading comprehension.

It said don’t shame them for being interested in being popular. Which I agree with. Yes be firm about being kind and sure it’s bullying. It’s not trivializing bullying to help a kid think about what they’re doing and why. Both things can happen. Firm boundaries for kid and a conversation.

Point is try to have actual convos.

There is nothing wrong with my reading comprehension. You are splitting hairs. Striving to be "popular" in MS, with all that goes with that, is never positive behavior and never leads to being a better person. There is always mean, exclusionary nonsense going on. That's the whole point of that immature dynamic. You don't want to foster that.

I made new friends who were equally pretty and nice but we didn’t hang out with boys.

But knowing how to socialize with boys is a good thing. Having boys as friends, relating to them as individuals, is a good thing. And yes, eventually dating. It's not some badge of honor to have avoided boys.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stating loudly over and over that it’s bullying and be kind to a kid who is inclined toward this behavior and riding the high of a cool group isn’t going to work as a strategy. They’ve heard that so many times in the current environment including at school repeatedly. If it hasn’t worked so far not going to work now.

The biggest queen bee at our middle school has a mom who this is her party line and the mom is so clueless about the daughter. Her peers took care of the issue and mom is still clueless and giving her the generic talking points and thinks her daughter is the victim.

I said "this is bullying" the PP who repeatedly relativized issues, because "nobody is nice 100% of the time". I didn't say - "oh, well, tell to your daughter that this is bullying, and things will fix themselves".

Who cares what it's called!!!! Talk to your kids about how not to be a jerk and spoiler your kid is probably a jerk sometimes. Unless you gave birth to the one human who never tried on being a jerk at some point in their lives. If so, congrats.

You clearly care very much how it is called, because you are working damn hard to make sure it's not called bullying.

Once again, for you, because you clearly need some instruction in this area: "being a jerk sometimes" is not the same as being a bully. Bullying is a continuous targeting of a particular person with the goal to humiliate and socially isolate.

It's bullying. We all get it. No parent or child in this era doesn't know what bullying is unless they've been asleep under a rock.

They are bullies. Bullies are bad. Please stop bullying.

I just cannot stand parents who assume it's never ever their kid and never will be their kid doing this stuff. And let's recap and not forget...OP's kid is getting bullied and it's bad. We are anti-bullying.

majority of kids are not bullies and will never be bullies. a lot of kids are bully-adjacent, but bullies are fairly rare. it takes a certain personality to be a bully, and few have what it takes. shy kids, for example, are unlikely to ever be bullies. doesn't mean they are perfect.

Did you take a basic psychology class in college? Or even high school? Familiar with the Stanford prison experiment?

as it happens, yes. Stanford prison experiment has been debunked. it's based on a fraud.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stating loudly over and over that it’s bullying and be kind to a kid who is inclined toward this behavior and riding the high of a cool group isn’t going to work as a strategy. They’ve heard that so many times in the current environment including at school repeatedly. If it hasn’t worked so far not going to work now.

The biggest queen bee at our middle school has a mom who this is her party line and the mom is so clueless about the daughter. Her peers took care of the issue and mom is still clueless and giving her the generic talking points and thinks her daughter is the victim.

I said "this is bullying" the PP who repeatedly relativized issues, because "nobody is nice 100% of the time". I didn't say - "oh, well, tell to your daughter that this is bullying, and things will fix themselves".

Who cares what it's called!!!! Talk to your kids about how not to be a jerk and spoiler your kid is probably a jerk sometimes. Unless you gave birth to the one human who never tried on being a jerk at some point in their lives. If so, congrats.

You clearly care very much how it is called, because you are working damn hard to make sure it's not called bullying.

Once again, for you, because you clearly need some instruction in this area: "being a jerk sometimes" is not the same as being a bully. Bullying is a continuous targeting of a particular person with the goal to humiliate and socially isolate.

It's bullying. We all get it. No parent or child in this era doesn't know what bullying is unless they've been asleep under a rock.

They are bullies. Bullies are bad. Please stop bullying.

I just cannot stand parents who assume it's never ever their kid and never will be their kid doing this stuff. And let's recap and not forget...OP's kid is getting bullied and it's bad. We are anti-bullying.

majority of kids are not bullies and will never be bullies. a lot of kids are bully-adjacent, but bullies are fairly rare. it takes a certain personality to be a bully, and few have what it takes. shy kids, for example, are unlikely to ever be bullies. doesn't mean they are perfect.

Did you take a basic psychology class in college? Or even high school? Familiar with the Stanford prison experiment?

NP
bullying is not the same as occasionally being mean to someone or not liking them. Using that word for every non-positive interaction dilutes the meaning and makes people take really bullying less seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stating loudly over and over that it’s bullying and be kind to a kid who is inclined toward this behavior and riding the high of a cool group isn’t going to work as a strategy. They’ve heard that so many times in the current environment including at school repeatedly. If it hasn’t worked so far not going to work now.

The biggest queen bee at our middle school has a mom who this is her party line and the mom is so clueless about the daughter. Her peers took care of the issue and mom is still clueless and giving her the generic talking points and thinks her daughter is the victim.

I said "this is bullying" the PP who repeatedly relativized issues, because "nobody is nice 100% of the time". I didn't say - "oh, well, tell to your daughter that this is bullying, and things will fix themselves".

Who cares what it's called!!!! Talk to your kids about how not to be a jerk and spoiler your kid is probably a jerk sometimes. Unless you gave birth to the one human who never tried on being a jerk at some point in their lives. If so, congrats.

You clearly care very much how it is called, because you are working damn hard to make sure it's not called bullying.

Once again, for you, because you clearly need some instruction in this area: "being a jerk sometimes" is not the same as being a bully. Bullying is a continuous targeting of a particular person with the goal to humiliate and socially isolate.

It's bullying. We all get it. No parent or child in this era doesn't know what bullying is unless they've been asleep under a rock.

They are bullies. Bullies are bad. Please stop bullying.

I just cannot stand parents who assume it's never ever their kid and never will be their kid doing this stuff. And let's recap and not forget...OP's kid is getting bullied and it's bad. We are anti-bullying.

majority of kids are not bullies and will never be bullies. a lot of kids are bully-adjacent, but bullies are fairly rare. it takes a certain personality to be a bully, and few have what it takes. shy kids, for example, are unlikely to ever be bullies. doesn't mean they are perfect.

Did you take a basic psychology class in college? Or even high school? Familiar with the Stanford prison experiment?

Honestly, you are too emotionally invested here. I’m not judging as I personally did the same thing, and imposed my adult standards and own childhood school trauma onto my kid. I ended up upset long after my daughter was over it and often back friends with these kids again.

Middle schoolers are almost always jerks to someone and most kids grow and evolve once they get into high school. A girl that’s mean in 8th grade isn’t always a “mean girl” and this labeling and trying to designate some kids as horrible and some as victims really isn’t reality most of the time.

The fact that your daughter thinks they can be friends again is actually quite mature. She just needs help understanding how to implement boundaries and not accepting repeat behavior. People who just cut people off forever never learn to work through issues - not all issues are worth working through, but what you describe just sounds like typical immature behavior most kids can grow from.