Reply to No, I will not sit on your couch all week

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Reply to "No, I will not sit on your couch all week"

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[quote=Anonymous]The way we get out of this with our relatives is that we have an itinerary (hotels booked, flights tickets bought) and agenda in advance that we share with them. We also throw some $$$ in helping them fix their home, car, yard, health, finances -  so that they can continue living in their home for more years.

Here are my tips to a smoother visit with the older generation -
- Have an itinerary and share with everyone.  Buy tickets, book spa, book hotels etc beforehand. '

- Have access to your own money and ride. Spending money on projects for your parents/ils allows you to nip some age-related issues in the bud.

- We also host sets of relatives in our parents/ILs home or a nearby hotel, and we cater and pay for the food.  This helps in not having to visit all the other relatives and saves time for us. Also, parents/ILs do not have to life a finger to host or pay for food.  Furthermore, our parents also get to connect with their relatives and do not feel bad that we don't want to do an endless round of visiting people.

- Have an itinerary that includes daily sightseeing/activity  and take at least one or two meals outside of the home. Older people get unsettled if you are eating all three meals at home, mainly because they themselves have diminished appetites.

- Tackle one big project when you are visiting parents or ILs.  My DH always gets their cars serviced, deep cleaned and get one costly thing done (brakes fixed, new tires etc).  Or he will get some home improvement job done when he is there. We pay attention to making sure that the house and all major appliances are well maintained.  If they lose their home or feel overwhelmed about managing, they will want to live with us.  We do our best to keep their confidence up and make sure that they are connected to their community.

- There are a lot of age related stuff that happens - neglect of health, neglect of cleanliness, isolation, lack of maintenance of home, hoarding etc.  Keep an eye on it and start putting support in place for them. If you don't, this will soon become your problem.  We have started to pay for yard maintenance for my parents/ILs.  We plan to start paying for house cleaning once a month too.

- When you visit your family for more than a week and use their car - get it cleaned and top off the gas and other fluids before you return.  Also, if you are hosting at their home, pay for food and pay someone to clean their home. Make these things happen when you are there.

Unfortunately, visiting our aging parents is no longer  fun and games. So you have to plan it out well so that you are also getting some nice memories out of it, but also, think of it as an opportunity to make their home and their lives comfortable, functional and joyful.  This will allow them to live in their own home for a longer time. 
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