Reply to S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?

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Reply to "S/O is anyone not bothered by the “mental load”?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The conversation around mental labor is so challenging because women take it as axiomatic that men “should” care about all the things (summer camps registration, Christmas cards, Larlo needs a purple shirt on Thursday for school, etc.). They just literally will never care about these things the way women do, and frankly, rarely manage these tasks as well as women.

I liken this to the way men are endlessly frustrated that their wives don’t “want” them as much as they “should” intimately. It just is. No amount of frustration or exasperation or explaining how his wife “should want” to do xyz with him in bed will ever change the fact that women by and large will never want the way men do.

Once I accepted that my DH just won’t care as much as I do (but will take any labor domain I ask), it was so freeing! I don’t expect him to get the kids ready ever. I don’t mind doing it anymore, because it’s not even a question to me that he won’t. BUT I’ve gotten super comfortable leaving certain domains entirely to him (all the laundry, all the cooking, all the car stuff), and I take all the kid stuff. [/quote]

I am the PP who wrote about medical issues and I think most people realize that Christmas Cards and spirit week are optional. Summer camp is child care for us so finding adequate coverage that won’t require driving all over is not optional.

I’ve written this before in the SN forum but I feel like what happens is a game of chicken. I could just wait and see if my husband found *some* camp for my kids but[b] I am not willing to make my kids unhappy all summer to prove a point[/b]. So the way I deal is to do the things I care about and just not feel guilty at all when stuff doesn’t get handled. For example, I found all those specialists, rearranged my schedule and got my kids cared for. My husband’s job was to submit for re-imburstment (since many top doctors don’t take insurance, yay America). He didn’t and didn’t and didn’t. It probably cost us several thousands of dollars over the years. Oh well. My kids got the care they needed and we paid our bills. To me, this is the equivalent of not doing spirit week or whatever. You may feel differently! But when you do all the work you get to prioritize what you make sure happens.[/quote]

Either the bolded us in your mind or you have raised some entitled kids. If they are old enough to be unhappy about summer camps, they are old enough to do the research and do most of the planning.[/quote]

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