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[quote=Anonymous]OP, it seems like you have two problems:

1) what to do while they're still alive

2) what to do when they die.

With respect to 1): as PP have said, if they want any financial help, they have to accept guidance. Your first obligation is to your family, i.e., your kids and their future, and you and your spouse need to decide reasonable limits and rules so you're not pouring money down a black hole -- which will only get bigger and blacker as they age and can no longer work.

They need to sit down with your DH and a financial planner now -- this is no longer optional -- and decide what next steps will be when they retire (and relying on your family to pay their bills is not on the table). Your DH and any siblings he has also need to make sure that all the paperwork like wills, power of attorney, and health care proxy are in place now, while they are in possession of their faculties.

2) what to do when they're dead -- this is in fact part of discussion on item 1). How do they intend to save the money to fund the deathcare they want? Again, your paying for it all is not on the table. Your money is for the living, i.e., your kids and their future, not to satisfy the wishes of a dead person who by definition neither knows nor cares about the body they no longer inhabit.

I am personally dead set against spending any significant money on funeral homes or burials, with or without embalming. Money is for the living, not the dead. [/quote]

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