Reply to Would you seperate/divorce if your spouse treated you like this?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, why did you marry this man? He sounds like an A$$[/quote]

He masked very well for a long time. When the drinking got worse, it became harder to mask. Believe me, I've been asking myself this question a lot though. [/quote]

This is so true.  Usually when people ask, "why did you marry such a jerk then?" I tell them - people change.  But the idea of not just changing, but *masking* in the first place - I never thought about that before.  It adds an element of intent to deceive.[/quote]
I don’t think it’s a calculated deception, more like their true self cannot be repressed beyond a point and they don’t see more any need to put on a front. [/quote]

In our case he had only unmasked and was his ugly self if he was around people for more than 3 days solid.

So for my parents, whom we visited during Covid or traveled with and all stayed together in large rentals, and for a family down the road we’d stay with them at their beach house. We stopped getting invited after he banged my head on the cupboard because HE needed a coffee mug for his coffee asap and I was in the small kitchen making 4 kids lunch sandwiches. I told him to wait, he didn’t and banged my head and then proceeded to try to yell at me forever. The couple told him to go take a walk, immediately.

He’s HFA and usually masking but can only do so in spurts, so during the work days, and on trips he’s usually feigning that he has to work and will cut out.

When lodging with others for more than a weekend, he runs out of gas, starts getting angry, outbursts at any comments, jerk to me, ignores his kids entirely.  Unmasked.

But if we have our own resort unit, only me and the kids would know his anger cycles. [/quote]

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