Reply to What makes a kid popular in middle school?

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[quote=Anonymous]I have 8th and 10th grade girls. Maybe its my sociology background but I have observed this for a few years because I find it interesting, all of this is from what my kids have told me over the years and also just knowing a lot of these kids having lived in the same place since they were born and there not being much moving around.

I'd agree that in middle school its the "fast" kids. Early developers, mixed gender friend groups, usually really early to get on social media and use it to network and be a "known name", early dating, and yes either be the kids to start partying/using substances but not always - sometimes its just the kids who are okay being around it and not "fed" ie hang out with the kids who do that stuff. Athletics play in but only as a boost - if a kid doesn't have some of the former going on, they won't be popular on athletics alone.

The kids who are popular in middle school sometimes stay popular but not always. Many of the most well known kids in my kids well off public middle school ruined their reputations doing stupid things, or were "too slutty" or sent dick pics on snap, pissed off too many people with drama etc. So some of the same behavior that made them "famous" made them disliked by 8th grade when friend groups started to mix a lot more and kids start to mature a little and be a little less impressed with obnoxious behavior. Some kids calm down and get into a set activity/smaller group and aren't popular in high school but are respected/known which almost seems like the ideal turnout.

So my advice for a middle schooler trying to be cool, is to really watch their social media and continue to lecture them about the worst type of behaviors. That it will bite them in the ass. Be a nice person - go ahead and make lots of friends but don't burn your bridges. Don't abandon good friends for the cool kids, you can make room for both (you aren't going to convince your second son to be like his brother, better to practice harm reduction here and steer him towards better behavior but not try to change him).

My 8th grader is like your 1st son. At least for now, i guess it could change. My 10th grader was a social butterfly in grade school but then had some trauma and toxic friendships plus covid and was just kinda low key socially I think due to some insecurity, through 9th grade. But this year something happened (she made new popular friends to start, but just her attitude changed too) and she has gained some newfound popularity, its wild to watch actually. She definitely gained it somewhat through some concerning partying behaviors (she does also get good grades) in addition to just being very extroverted and organizing a lot of group activities. High school popularity seems different than middle school though - obnoxious behavior isn't it. Obviously being attractive and extroverted is, though. But lots of kids are popular for good reasons in high school too (athletes, in lots of activities, friendly/fun)- the problem is that the wide circle of friends sucks up a LOT of time. My daughter has a main friend group and then a bunch of side groups and the invitations to do things never stop and between that and her scheduled EC I worry her grades are slipping.  SO bear that in mind.

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