insult

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have asked my kid this question, about popular kids in school, and she says that it's not like you see in the movies, there isn't a bunch of jocks or popular girls that move in a group and make other people's lives miserable.

What she did say is that there are NPCs and non-NPCs, and you want to be a non-NPC.

What does that mean?? Npc?

Non playable character. like a background character in a video game. its an indult

Interesting how many people are saying popular kids are always athletes. Was not my experience growing up and not what I see with my kids. Sure some athletes are popular but some aren’t and some non-athletes are popular.

Middle school I agree it’s early developers and those who get in the mix with dating ans mixed gender friends and are “known”. Some of these kids burn out and by the end of middle school have burned too many bridges.

By high school it’s some of the same things but it’s much less important and obvious who is popular in a large high school. There are just different groups and some kids are more widely known by others for various reasons. If that’s popular, ok.

Also can’t under estimate how much looks start to matter post-puberty. I think that is the driving factor and not being an athlete. Good looking kids who kind of fit the norm of what is considered attractive at the moment get traction with the opposite gender and will be better known and be more “relevant” in high school. They use the word relevant and not popular..

Conformity. Going along to get along.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In wealthier schools with steady communities, I also think the parents' social network can have some influence. My DD has some kids in her class who I don't think would be popular except that the kids have been in that school system since day 1, are on soccer teams with the other kids and so have been doing outings with them forever. All the connections and cute clothes can't make a kid popular from nowhere, but I have definitely noticed the network effect.

So popular mommy = popular kids ?

Ick.

NP. Yes. The social engineering starts at day one and just gets worse.

Must be pretty small schools? No one knows anyone else's parents in the 1000 kid middle schools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In wealthier schools with steady communities, I also think the parents' social network can have some influence. My DD has some kids in her class who I don't think would be popular except that the kids have been in that school system since day 1, are on soccer teams with the other kids and so have been doing outings with them forever. All the connections and cute clothes can't make a kid popular from nowhere, but I have definitely noticed the network effect.

So popular mommy = popular kids ?

Ick.

NP. Yes. The social engineering starts at day one and just gets worse.

Anonymous wrote:And do the same popular middle school kids stay popular in high school?

I have 12 (7th grade) and 14 (9th grade) year old boys.

My older son has a friend group consisting of smart athletic boys and he is in many academic extracurriculars. These boys are motivated and achievers. DS is an A+ student and always has been.

My younger son just started middle school and is not so interested in school. He currently has a mix of As, Bs and Cs. He seems much more interested in making new friends and hanging out with the cooler kids who seem more popular. In my opinion, these kids just seem like they do stupid things to gain attention.

What makes a kid popular?

Both kids have told me the popular kids go to parties and drink and do drugs. My high school kid doesn’t get invited to these parties (yet?). I’m glad he isn’t in that group. I do worry for my younger son because he seems much more interested in how social life than anything else.

Where whatever the cool kid uniform du jour is (lulu lemon or whatever for girls, for ex), usually dating or starting to date, and general attention-seeking behavior. Doesn't always meeting vaping, drinking. But almost always cool = a little jerk to the other kids outside the group.

I have 8th and 10th grade girls. Maybe its my sociology background but I have observed this for a few years because I find it interesting, all of this is from what my kids have told me over the years and also just knowing a lot of these kids having lived in the same place since they were born and there not being much moving around.

I'd agree that in middle school its the "fast" kids. Early developers, mixed gender friend groups, usually really early to get on social media and use it to network and be a "known name", early dating, and yes either be the kids to start partying/using substances but not always - sometimes its just the kids who are okay being around it and not "fed" ie hang out with the kids who do that stuff. Athletics play in but only as a boost - if a kid doesn't have some of the former going on, they won't be popular on athletics alone.

The kids who are popular in middle school sometimes stay popular but not always. Many of the most well known kids in my kids well off public middle school ruined their reputations doing stupid things, or were "too slutty" or sent dick pics on snap, pissed off too many people with drama etc. So some of the same behavior that made them "famous" made them disliked by 8th grade when friend groups started to mix a lot more and kids start to mature a little and be a little less impressed with obnoxious behavior. Some kids calm down and get into a set activity/smaller group and aren't popular in high school but are respected/known which almost seems like the ideal turnout.

So my advice for a middle schooler trying to be cool, is to really watch their social media and continue to lecture them about the worst type of behaviors. That it will bite them in the ass. Be a nice person - go ahead and make lots of friends but don't burn your bridges. Don't abandon good friends for the cool kids, you can make room for both (you aren't going to convince your second son to be like his brother, better to practice harm reduction here and steer him towards better behavior but not try to change him).

My 8th grader is like your 1st son. At least for now, i guess it could change. My 10th grader was a social butterfly in grade school but then had some trauma and toxic friendships plus covid and was just kinda low key socially I think due to some insecurity, through 9th grade. But this year something happened (she made new popular friends to start, but just her attitude changed too) and she has gained some newfound popularity, its wild to watch actually. She definitely gained it somewhat through some concerning partying behaviors (she does also get good grades) in addition to just being very extroverted and organizing a lot of group activities. High school popularity seems different than middle school though - obnoxious behavior isn't it. Obviously being attractive and extroverted is, though. But lots of kids are popular for good reasons in high school too (athletes, in lots of activities, friendly/fun)- the problem is that the wide circle of friends sucks up a LOT of time. My daughter has a main friend group and then a bunch of side groups and the invitations to do things never stop and between that and her scheduled EC I worry her grades are slipping. SO bear that in mind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And do the same popular middle school kids stay popular in high school?

I have 12 (7th grade) and 14 (9th grade) year old boys.

My older son has a friend group consisting of smart athletic boys and he is in many academic extracurriculars. These boys are motivated and achievers. DS is an A+ student and always has been.

My younger son just started middle school and is not so interested in school. He currently has a mix of As, Bs and Cs. He seems much more interested in making new friends and hanging out with the cooler kids who seem more popular. In my opinion, these kids just seem like they do stupid things to gain attention.

What makes a kid popular?

Both kids have told me the popular kids go to parties and drink and do drugs. My high school kid doesn’t get invited to these parties (yet?). I’m glad he isn’t in that group. I do worry for my younger son because he seems much more interested in how social life than anything else.

For girls, its if you are slutty and for boys it's if you are athletic.

Slutty 12-14 year old girls? Lord I hope not.

You better start stalking those snaps! Eye opening.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in private middle school and the popular kids are the athletes who are also good students. Risky behavior boys are looked down upon.

My kids are also in a K-12 private school. The popular boys are the rude athletes and the popular girls are the rich girls with permissive parents who have been at the school for a long time. The mean girls don’t become popular but popular girls can become mean.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And do the same popular middle school kids stay popular in high school?

I have 12 (7th grade) and 14 (9th grade) year old boys.

My older son has a friend group consisting of smart athletic boys and he is in many academic extracurriculars. These boys are motivated and achievers. DS is an A+ student and always has been.

My younger son just started middle school and is not so interested in school. He currently has a mix of As, Bs and Cs. He seems much more interested in making new friends and hanging out with the cooler kids who seem more popular. In my opinion, these kids just seem like they do stupid things to gain attention.

What makes a kid popular?

Both kids have told me the popular kids go to parties and drink and do drugs. My high school kid doesn’t get invited to these parties (yet?). I’m glad he isn’t in that group. I do worry for my younger son because he seems much more interested in how social life than anything else.

For girls, its if you are slutty and for boys it's if you are athletic.

Slutty 12-14 year old girls? Lord I hope not.

Bjs

Anonymous wrote:It's all very superficial. Your kids needs the most impressive shoes and the right labels on their clothes. It's really that simple.

That is simply untrue and uneducated perspective. This outlook on children that must not be cast as a mature adult. The simple ideology of this will forever scar a child I hope you get help.

Anonymous wrote:And do the same popular middle school kids stay popular in high school?

I have 12 (7th grade) and 14 (9th grade) year old boys.

My older son has a friend group consisting of smart athletic boys and he is in many academic extracurriculars. These boys are motivated and achievers. DS is an A+ student and always has been.

My younger son just started middle school and is not so interested in school. He currently has a mix of As, Bs and Cs. He seems much more interested in making new friends and hanging out with the cooler kids who seem more popular. In my opinion, these kids just seem like they do stupid things to gain attention.

What makes a kid popular?

Both kids have told me the popular kids go to parties and drink and do drugs. My high school kid doesn’t get invited to these parties (yet?). I’m glad he isn’t in that group. I do worry for my younger son because he seems much more interested in how social life than anything else.

For girls, its if you are slutty and for boys it's if you are athletic.

Anonymous wrote:In wealthier schools with steady communities, I also think the parents' social network can have some influence. My DD has some kids in her class who I don't think would be popular except that the kids have been in that school system since day 1, are on soccer teams with the other kids and so have been doing outings with them forever. All the connections and cute clothes can't make a kid popular from nowhere, but I have definitely noticed the network effect.

So popular mommy = popular kids ?

Ick.