Reply to DH dislikes my parents and will not visit them with me

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Reply to "DH dislikes my parents and will not visit them with me"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Since we started dating, DH has always had a problem with my parents. FWIW, I've always had a problem with them, too. They're unpleasant, fearful, judgmental and have narcissitic tendencies that I believe are a cover for breathtaking insecurity. I do understand why they are who they are and it's not worth completely cutting them off. They've always needed therapy and they will go to their graves without seeking it. I accept that.

That said, at this stage of my life, I know they enjoy being grandparents and I can tolerate them in small doses and manage short visits, let's say 3-4 days staying at a hotel (they live a plane ride away). We have not visited them in three years because our kids are small, have been hard to travel with and DH loathes visiting my hometown, and did I mention he has a problem with them? I get it, he doesn't like them, he's even had awful spats with them. If they dropped dead tomorrow he wouldn't shed a single tear. Alas, they're getting very old and I'd like to visit a few times over the next year or two to bring the kids by, let them see where i grew up, collect some of my belongings at their house, and see an old neighbor or two still there I've always liked. I am not suggesting we crash there for a week or more and blow our vacation time there. Again, I'm saying 3-4 days at most. That's all we can handle and it will spare us long visits from them. I know it wouldn't be so bad and DH and I would be able to leave the kids with them, go away to a nice hotel for a night or two and try to turn it into something positive.

Unfortunately, he's not supporting me on this. I'd really like him to come with me and make the best of it as I've done for him with his family (they're nowhere near as confrontational and socially awkward as mine).

Am I in the wrong to want him to come on a few trips with me and the kids (and help manage them) before my parenst end up in a nursing home or die?  We can afford 1-2 trips per year for the next few years, so money is not an issue.

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I would suggest once a year, take kids with you so your parents get to see them while DH can relax at home or take a trip somewhere else. Once a year, leave kids home with him and you go and spend some peaceful time with your parents and actually focus on them and help with their problems. I don't see any point in pressuring DH or making your relationship sour. [/quote]

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