Reply to DH dislikes my parents and will not visit them with me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They're unpleasant, fearful, judgmental and have narcissitic tendencies that I believe are a cover for breathtaking insecurity.

DH and I would be able to leave the kids with them, go away to a nice hotel for a night or two and try to turn it into something positive.

[/quote]

I can not reconcile these two things.  Like it's bizarre you would consider leaving your kids with someone you describe that way, that they don't even know.

I would just take your children by yourself, but only if you don't plan to leave them with your parents.  [/quote]

New poster.  Just STFU.  My mother takes the crown for narcissism and unpleasantness.  Still she loves her grandkids and before she got to be old AF we’d happily leave them with her for a few days and think nothing of it.  OP never said they were abusive or neglectful or child molesters for Pete’s sake.

You’re just one of those crazy black-and-white thinking DCUM women who hates old people, hates in laws, and sees everything rigidly, angrily and judgmentally without understanding the subtleties and complications in people.  There are so many of you on here and it’s sad. [/quote]

Ha, yeah, it’s your mom who is unpleasant.  Got it. [/quote]

I think she might be the MIL. I’ve never heard anyone vigorously defend narcissists.[/quote]

I’m a different poster. While I’m not exactly defending narcissists, my dad is a deeply insecure man who solves for this by being super egocentric and making himself the hero of every store he tells. He is a pretty complicated guy and I don’t enjoy spending time with him at all. But he is perfectly ok with his grandkids for a few hours. I think there are all kinds of levels of “narcissism” and some narcissists can babysit grandkids. While I think the poster you responded to was way over the top, I do agree that DCUM lacks nuance — I’m sure I do too when posting on a board where you don’t have all the facts.[/quote]

OP here. This is the situation with my father, and it gets worse as he ages further. He’ll never see that people don’t enjoy these conversations. My mother is worse. Her narcissism is mostly around culture and religion. She’s also over-the-top anxious and has needed meds all her life but of course, everyone else has been the problem because they just won’t agree with her that the world is a dreadful place. She never accepted that most other people do not accept her fears, and that is where she’s often butted heads with my DH because he refuses to agree with her.

They were never physically abusive nor alcoholics nor gamblers who left their kids in rags. They’re just very difficult, fearful, uncomfortable people who have made their own miserable beds. I had hoped that they would have retired well, renewed/refreshed their lives, and moved to a condo further south by the beach. They have plenty of money to do so. Instead, they’ve opted to stay in a house that’s too big for them. They’re sort of emotionally paralyzed watching their friends pass away or move away. I do on some level feel very sorry for them. But I get where DH is coming from. Walking into their house feels like walking into a tomb for the living. On some level, they’re in despair because life moved on without their blessing. They never got over us moving out of state, and I understand this has always been a big part if the problem. They’ve opted to spend their remaining years in a perpetual temper tantrum, perhaps.

That said, yes, visiting is like going for a medical procedure. But they are kind to the kids and treat them well. No one is going out cigarettes out on their arms. I do think I will have to take a deep breath and travel out there with one or two of the kids. I can’t leave my sibling to handle it all as our parents age. My DH’s parents are healthy with family nearby, so this situation may never be his problem. I’ll go without him if need be and do what I need to do. [/quote]

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