Reply to Poll - should spouses tell each other about job offers?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, sorry, I was in a meeting. But this is interesting. I'm spouse 2, and my husband just dropped into conversation like super casual that I was offered a job but turned it down. It would have been work from home, and his commute is significant, 45 miles each way. I also work from home so it wouldn't have been ideal for me, but we never even discussed it. [b]I was just sort of stunned that this is considered acceptable for him, to unilaterally make a decision that affects everyone.[/b]

Obligation wasn't the right word. I just feel like this falls squarely into "we're a team, we should operate as a team" category. I wouldn't dream of taking or not taking a job without just checking in and having conversation. It just wouldn't be a question. I also recently interviewed for a job, decided after two rounds that it wasn't for me, and communicated the whole thing to him as I went. So the fact that he was also doing this internally and never brought it up is shady to me. [/quote]

I would expect it to come up in conversation in my marriage, but he gets to pick his job. I wouldn't dream of telling me spouse what job to take or not take, even when money has been tight.[/quote]

I wouldn't either. Not sure where being upset that it wasn't even discussed translated into me thinking I could tell him what job to take.[/quote]

Because you are upset he "unilaterally" made the decision - the alternative is that you make the decision together, which means you do have some say over which job he takes.

I can see feeling different ways depending on the exact circumstances, honestly. If the current job had issues that put a burden on our home, then I'd expect the decision to be made more in consultation. Or if the new job would have issues that would put a burden on the home.

If it's all more or less a wash for you - not a significant change in salary, not having to move, or other stuff - then I figure the other person would talk about it if they think it's important or want to hear your thoughts. Otherwise, go ahead and turn it down on your own.

Does this fit into a bigger pattern of feeling like you're not working as a team, together? [/quote]

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