Reply to Why is the patriarchy still alive and well?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know we like to blame men, and that's definitely a big part of it, but I think we need to look at the issue other women bring to it as well. This forum is a good example to see how women play a part in contributing to the patriarchy. Shaming women for working, shaming women for putting themselves first, shaming women for staying at home, shame, shame, shame. Im real life, I've dealt with female managers trying to tear me down because the big boss has liked my ideas.  I've seen people talk shit about a female boss for no reason other than she was a powerful female.

So yes, men play a huge role. But ignoring how we contribute to it too will never get the issue solved. [/quote]

100%. For a long time I've been thinking about how men kind of outsource the work of patriarchy to women. So often it's women who enforce these expectations for other women regarding appearance, motherhood, and behavior. It's women who are most likely to shame a woman for her sexual activity, her parenting, how she looks and dresses. Men do it too, but it often feels that women spearhead it. And it starts early -- my mom was the first person of any gender who made me feel like I was less worthy as a person because I am female. It's something she'd internalized and definitely passed onto me. My dad did too (my dad is actually a huge misogynist) and I'm not letting him off the hook, but my mom *taught* me that I was less than, whereas my dad just treated me that way.

I also think so often female friendship functioning in a similar way, sadly. As I've gotten older I've learned to be pretty selective about friendships generally, but especially about the dynamics in female friendships. Often it starts out as what seems like solidarity, like "we're all in this together," but it can morph into an expectation that you will behave always in ways approved by the female friend group, and if you deviate, you will be gossiped about and excluded. It looks like just "mean girl" dynamics and gets written off as women being catty. But often there's a component of patriarchy. Because say a friend group ostracize a member because she's "sleeping around." What reason would other women have to judge or exclude another woman for being sexually active? It doesn't impact them. But what's really happening is that they are subscribing to patriarchal ideas about how women should behave and what women are "allowed" to do with their bodies, and they are trying to enforce these rules because they believe it will benefit them to keep all women in line in this way. Or sometimes women do this to elevate themselves in the eyes of men, like "I am one of the good women, not like that harlot over there." These dynamics are sadly very common.

I'm working hard to raise my daughter differently and have spent years cultivating healthy friendships with women where we are genuinely supportive and there is never shame or that kind of judgment. It takes work, because these ideas are still so prevalent, But I hope the upshot is that it's easier for my daughter because it will be all she knows.[/quote]

Men don't "outsource" enforcement of the patriarchy onto women.  Women enforce culture.

We don't have patriarchy.  We have culture.  You just dislike part of it and call it something else.[/quote]

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