Reply to If you were from a family with a golden child and scapegoat, how did they turn out as adults?

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Reply to "If you were from a family with a golden child and scapegoat, how did they turn out as adults?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What does it mean to be the scapegoat?[/quote]

The scapegoat is the family member the rest of the family blames for everything that goes wrong. There can be a narcissistic parent involved who projects their perceived best traits on to the golden child and their perceived worst traits on to the scapegoat. One child gets the parent's best attention, the other child all the parent's worst attention. For decades.

OP, there are videos on YouTube about being scapegoated, and what happens to the family scapegoat in adulthood. Often, this family member goes gray rock and then eventually no contact with their families who are unable to see them as anything different. But now they're almost 50, not 15, and they're done being treated badly. The scapegoat is usually the most emotional strong member of the family. That's why they can carry the weight of all of this, and come out the other side even stronger. They are often more successful than the golden child, too.[/quote]

You literally described me. Took me nearly 50 years to realize WTF happened to me. [/quote]

This is MIL.  OP, look up splitting and triangulation - that is what happens in these scenarios.  As soon as DH learned more and more about the dysfunction, he stepped away from the drama.  Coming to the realization, and understanding what it is and why, is a huge part of the recognizing and closure of how he was treated.  Of course, those who benefitted from the treatment would never (EVER) admit to having done so, so do not bother, and definitely do not wait for any apologies - not going to happen. All narcissists see is themselves. [/quote]

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