Reply to 82-year-old mom refuses to plan, share info, discuss

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[quote=Anonymous]Lots of sympathy for you, OP. It is maddening, the denial and refusal to plan. As others have said, lots goes into parents' unwillingness/inability to deal realistically with aging, and usually things go along until a crisis forces the issue.

Control what you can (your own finances, your own time management, your own planning and research) and accept that your parent has an independent life and may make choices that seem stupid to you (like going up and down dangerous stairs). My parents, for example, steadfastly refused to have help in the home long past the time when they needed it, and it seemed to me that my dad was suffering in ways that he did not have to, and it was absolutely enraging. All of my entreaties fell on deaf ears. Nothing got done until an illness that put him in rehab, and the social workers there refused to discharge him into just my mother's care since she obviously could not care for him alone.

It's hard to keep your mouth shut when people are making bad choices. But mostly you need to be responsible for yourself and what you are/are not willing to do to assist. Prioritize your own children and your own mental health. Eldercare is usually a marathon, not a sprint, and things get done in a slow, inefficient process rather than one fell swoop.  [/quote]

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