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[quote=Anonymous]I feel you, OP. I'm probably further down the road than you. Been married 25+ years and our youngest is in HS. My DH isn't a bad guy but, despite my best efforts, tons of counseling, clear requests, immediate/appropriate feedback, he's not a partner. I've carried too much for too long and expect to divorce after our youngest graduates.

A lot of our problems, I believe, can be attributed to his unmanaged ADHD. He was diagnosed 20+ years ago after one of our kids was. He knows how to manage it (we've got 2 kids with it). He just won't or won't consistently do so. I now recognize that will never change.

I recognize he chooses not hear me. It's something we talk a lot about in counseling. I'm not saying it any differently in counseling. But there's something about saying it in front of the counselor that makes a difference. Yet, he can't tell me why it's different or what I could have done differently to get my message across.

There's no cheating or abuse but this is not the life I  want, it's not a life that's good for me. I recognize (finally) that he will never carry his share and that if I want my life to be different, I need to move in a direction without him. I also recognize that I am not a good person for him to live with. I'm hurt, resentful, no longer able to be a caring partner and have lost respect for myself and him. I'm no longer willing to go to counseling. I see no point in it. I'm sure he'll be surprised when I move out.[/quote]

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